Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Begin

 Tomorrow is my first day back at work. It's only for four hours but after almost one complete year of rest and self isolation, I'm still shaking my head as how this all came about.

I don't feel ready but I guess it's time to get back into the world.  I hope this works out.

I'm excited and terrified all at once, let's see how it goes, wish me luck. 

Thursday, May 27, 2021

You've got the Job

 I got the job.https://newtounemployment.blogspot.com/2021/05/you-got-job.html






Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Changes



                                                                    "Penny"

                                                          Born February 7, 2021

                                                   Joined the brood April 23, 2021



  Penny's Instagram

  penny_thestbernard please follow :)

Saturday, August 1, 2020

New Blog!

https://newtounemployment.blogspot.com/2020/08/do-i-smell.html?m=1



Follow this new installation of my life.
Although, I will be back; here if course duh. You have no idea this weight!


"NEW TO UNEMPLOYMENT!!"


How long can I get away with wearing the same pair of pajamas? 
I'm sure this is a question of the ages.


I discovered micro-drinking one fine November morning in 2019 whilst on vacation.
It was during the witching hour on an extra brisk morning as I was prepping the giant turkey carcass for the annual tradition of Thanksgiving/Birthday celebration at my sister's house in Orlando. This year was particularly special because our eldest brother was joining us in what I hope to continue in a new tradition, well as normal and hopeful as one can get post Covid times. 
My sister's small bar had one theme going for itself and that was RUM. Rum would not be my first choice. I'd like to proudly proclaim in an AAA meeting how Vodka was the one to ruin my life. Rum wouldn't have reeked as much havoc.
Look, I would drink mouthwash if circumstances presented itself so, but in our case it's Rum, so when in rum? it's fucking free booze on your shit vacation from the job which you've come to loathe as much as your own reflection. My life revolved around making 3 to 4 possible week long escapes from the THREE LETTER pharmacy hell as possible. 

I found out that micro-drinking was amazing one fine morning when the hangover from the night before was resonating it's loudest. I've seemed to stumble among some kind of cure.

My sister's house was full that day, my brother sleeping on the couch in the living room teaming with cats, dogs and Christmas lights. My two nephews sleeping in one room, my sister fast asleep with her boyfriend in the next room. My daughter and I were sleeping in the eldest room, we were not alone, we had a giant pit bull, and a kitten smothering me.
I awake to hit a small joint in my sister's freezing am garage. Pets everywhere I look, it's the most runny my nose has been this year. The pot weighs heavily on my eyes for a moment before evaporating into a lightness all too familiar to me.
I baste turkey and fixings in the perspective places,  Captain Morgan unbothered by the time, sits and stares unfulfilled in my direction.
My head throbs a bit, I forgo taking any meds at this time, and instead take four shots with the spicy captain. I feel leveled almost immediately, not once did it cross my mind how dangerous that was, to feel comfortable in another version of repetition. 
Essentially that is all drinking and working, family, fucking, breathing, eating, and talking really is. Many poisons to choose from. Repetition.
Many forms of time that are all in their own order of importance.
Drinking helped the medicine of life go down, and made a vacation bearable. 
The rest of my vacation was a blast, there was one night my sister went to bed ridiculously early leaving my brother to get too high with me, leading up to him throwing up all over himself and trying to quietly clean it up while bringing attention on the problem was hysterical.
We went to Ripley's Believe it or not Museum followed by a lot of drinking and eating spicy buffalo wings at Hooters. 
My brother and I started The Mandolorian, we've not finished it. Does anyone know if baby Yoda lives?
I drank a lot all day that one easy week in November...

Today is August 1, 2020.
I have been unemployed for 2 weeks, the first two weeks of my eight year as a Lead Pharmacy Tech.
I drink any time of day now. It's not micro-dosing fun, it's depression.

I lost my job. Well no, let me rephrase that, I didn't lose shit, the corporate assholes in charge noticed I'd been there eight years and have started to make over eighteen dollars an hour and due to Covid 19 and no actual school, I can do a proper 40 hour work week. They decided to fire me for using an old gift card that belonged to someone else. Yep, apparently my $18.00 purchase equals massive theft for this non tax paying multi million dollar corporation, I almost cost thousands their office jobs from home!
I can see how totally bullshit this is, lord knows I've stolen from work far more than a mere eighteen dollars but this is the charge I'm accused of. 
I don't argue or make a scene, instead I spend the first week of this smearing campaign of my name, my dismissal as a total drinking spree no questions asked.

My lovely boyfriend who's a Virgo, enough said, decides to forgo his nagging and go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 3 am and continue to drink with me. He's not been himself and that's been the most understanding, empathetic thing he could do, just don't be you and you will understand me and why I just want to cry.

We finish 8 seasons of Game of Thrones, we are now binging  Six Feet Under and The Hand Maid's Tale. 
We smoke and drink, he lets me just cry at random intervals daily. Sounds like a normal Pisces weekend except I've been sacked. 
I get to just feel sad.
Week two of unemployment and I hear from less and less people from work with and I understand just how unimportant I am and what a fool I'd been for taking pride in what I do and who my colleagues were. My boss especially. I thought he'd drive by my apartment after work to tell me how much work sucked without me or to even try and hand deliver forms that I needed filled out for government benefits. Nope, no such luck.
Guess when everyone else's money is okay, you forget what it is like to be hungry.

I apply for unemployment benefits and food stamps. Unemployment Benefits are in the air seeing as the U.S.A has so many people on unemployment, it makes me so mad, not at the poor masses who've had to file early and deserve their money. 
I am unemployed after having my coworker Useless call out that first two weeks when Covid was still called Corona Virus, or Wuhan Virus and still have his job, my boss who took off in March to have a baby, then decided to pussy out during Corona Virus and took even more time off, yes, I am unemployed after two 5' foot 2 men decided to reactivate their cock power rings.


The sadness becomes anger at times. I still go back and relive the whole awful embarrassing debacle again and cry. Cry for the meekness that I felt, the imaginary rug burns I felt at my knee caps from hoping somehow this horrible job that I loathed somehow would see my worth and contribution and please not fire me because I have nothing else. 

At first this whole debacle was just a suspension.
I applied for unemployment that same day on July 17, 2020.
I knew I was going to be fired. 

It wasn't until Friday 24th, when I realized my boss didn't give a shit about me--true story!
He hadn't filled out my Income Verification Form, he said something about something but to be honest I wasn't listening to him anymore.

So my other pharmacist filled out this stupid paperwork that was asked of me,  I told my former boss to forget about it, I don't think he gave three thick shits about it anyways. See when you care about a person, you make an appearance. If that hasn't happened yet to you, well baby they don't care about you..


I put on Mascara today, nothing else.
Am I important again?


Work is work, I don't miss it. I miss the people who were my real friends, and now I can see who are the ones that only pretended. Fuck my sister who seems to revel in my misery and compete with me more than I want.
You are still older than me on paper bitch.


Yes I've worn these clothes for 4 days straight WHAT OF IT!!

 



Tuesday, August 6, 2019

What a wonderful world

The week begins for me later than usual, the scheduled hours keep moving around so now I'll go in this week at 10 instead of 9.
The extra sleep is appreciated believe you me.

I've been having headaches all weekend long, this morning is no exception.
A quick shower and plenty of Tylenol later, I try to make this mug have some hue instead of my usual florescent skin tone. I gobble my Anti Depressants, Benzos, and High BP medication, and diuretic even. Numb is the name of the game.




Getting ready and there's a nip to knee caps, my ferret. Buddy whose notorious for making me late, well one of the many reasons.




There's also my neighbors abandoned 2 cats who I and two more neighbors in my bldg have assumed charge of. Then there's 8 fish tanks with a plethora of hungry mouths bubbling at the surface.

Let's not forget the number one reason for tardiness this summer, my CAR.
On today's episode of Days of our Hyundai, we have the feisty gas deprived vehicle with an A.C that works for only ten minutes on a shady or wet morning. This powerless house of vehicle also has one peg tire who's rim can puncture the tire and explode as I punch it to 60 mph, thus sending me in a spirally death that no one will find out about until much later because I have no immediate loved ones, or so I've been told by my mechanic who wants positive Yelp reviews after each visit.
I'm running 10 minutes behind this morning but I can't help that at this point, I'll put gas when I get out of work today.
I make it to the Pharmacy or as I like to call it Patient Zero site, with four minutes to spare.
Step right up folks to a ceiling that has no tiles and hoses to suck roof leakage into small weird barrels that resemble Phantasm territory here. Blue Tarps covering merchandise aisles. Then there's our friends the RATS who have daily races above our cheap particle board ceiling tiles from Home Depot I bet. Don't forget the lovely psychedelic MOLD that is slowly spreading slowly laying harvest in our chest like some symbiotic host. It's only a matter of time before I become some kind of Cholesterol reducing Mutant or Opioid enhancing Mutant due to my pharmacy powers!
If that doesn't kill you then how about UTI girl! She's equipped with Urinary Tract Infections or Incontinence due to holding her urine in because our employee bathrooms are always broken, no worries my friend, because BAM! She can pee in a cup and dump it down the sink if need be instead of journeying outside in search of a functioning restroom.
There's also the Body Odor villain who has journeyed 45 minutes outside her home in her Golden chariot with no a.c, she's hot and no working a.c at the Pharmacy will make for new smelly weapons. She has no worries as she's really cool with the Beauty Consultant Master who lets her try on free samples.
I see my Boss in frantic at the register so I bolt left to the perfume samples and make sure I don't smell like a Spin Instructor on a 60 minute bender.
After punching in, he hugs and kisses me enthusiastically exclaiming "About fucking time!"
I usually make Cuban coffee (a.k.a liquid crack ) and now thanks to my Boss who brought a Keurig for myself the minute I punch in.
He needed coffee the poor thing, I did too.
"Useless" or so I called him then has upgraded, he's become such a sweetheart that he does not fail to give me a hard kiss and hug whenever he sees me. He's bought me my favorite creamer and coffee pods. He's also trying a lot harder, I can honestly say without ridicule that he's finally a team member and my friend. He's not so useless anymore, thus I'll call him INCONVENIENCE, a student whose school schedule has fucked me on more than one occasion how many doubles are allotted.
I make Cuban coffee or "Colada" as the annoying array of tourist who populate my neighborhood  every weekend would request.
I make my own java and so we begin.
Work is repetitive and arbitrary. My hands are currently experiencing arthritis in the making, or maybe the lack of proper nutrition is causing this. It's difficult to make a fist some days.
I have a short schedule this week but I do my best.
Today was my last Xanax.
I won't be able t fill my script until the 8th, I've been taking more than usual due to personal reasons. Now I'm down to the last one. Xanax has been the only thing that keeps me from either drowning in tears or feeling everything simultaneously. HAIL HYDRA, ALPRAZOLAM!
The drive to work is terrifying as I go 60 mph with a car that has bad shocks..
Emergency Xanax is important, but it's gone now.
At work I do what I can, the same boring things occur.
I'd like to talk about current events but we are prohibited to talk about Politics via email, so instead you may hear just sound bits here and there in whispers.
I count the clock till 3 pm.
Nothing fascinating is happening here. I work and drown in bills, am single with a teenager whose starting High School soon.

I'm currently at 150 lbs.
I am beside myself.
I'm trying to lose this weight, it's harder now. I can go all week without eating, but when the weekend comes around. I keep it all down..Guess that's the problem. I haven't embraced MIA in a long time but now, I really need to not be this weight, I've suppressed this persona long enough.
Behaviors may be resurfacing, who cares or notices. It's just me now. Time to get serious about restricting and fasting.

I think sometimes it's better to keep it tight with important personal details, what good are two or more to know your distress yet do nothing to help you.
Cut them off, it's time.
Lots of shootings in the News. I don't want to die buying school supplies on sale. Why does my daughter deserve a bullet to her abdomen? Since when did speaking more than one language become a death sentence? She'll be attending a very large, unknown public school, it's far and I have no idea what transport we'll have.

I've discussed escape routes with coworkers of mines. This weekend when I do my Back to School shopping, I will absolutely buy a bullet proof book bag.
Times have changed, people are a bit more opinionated when it comes to what they think is the absolute truth.

I just want to get my kid through High School and into a career she aspires for.
I don't ask for much, I just want a proper BMI and someone I can wake up to every morning that's not a member of the Animal Kingdom.
I want a working car, a decent place to live, health and prosperity.

Today ended with me buying take out and napping til 8 pm.
I have tons on my mind lately, most importantly it's solely on me for the resolve. Most do not understand the profound feeling of Failure but I do.
Midnight now so it's my bedtime.
Talk to you again soon.

Begin

 Tomorrow is my first day back at work. It's only for four hours but after almost one complete year of rest and self isolation, I'm ...