Day 10 with Ana and I want to keep going.
Keep on with the emptiness she's providing me. I'm not hungry or even thirsty. I also have plenty of energy this morning.
Had a great night's rest, no bags under eyes here. After logging on to yahoo messenger early in the am and checking on a good friend who had a weight check today (she's in the clear, thank god) I got dressed and took supps and OEP. Time for school. Today my daughter has to dress in all red. I leave the house feeling good that I'm not too dizzy, didn't jog yesterday on account of the knee. Today I'm better thanks to Motrin and rubbing alcohol. I want to work out when I come home. I feel motivated and am ready to drop these final lbs. So here I am on the treadmill now, overjoyed to exercise (I know I'm sick ) and so we're off. 500 cals burned and then comes the sudden chest pains.
Now I've had chest strains before from the bulimia, you go at too hard and you pull something. Your heart is a hard muscle but it hurts nonetheless. This was different, not a strain but an actual pain..
I had to get off the treadmill, I couldn't keep exercising the pain wouldn't let me. So no more jogging, but I did a whole load of crunches and toning exercises-I had to.
Anyways I'm off to shower and the chest pain continues, its in the center of my chest where the sternum is, where your heart is..
I waited cautiously for the other scary symptoms to show up, the left side falling asleep, numbness, dizziness, nausea, sharp stabbing pains..
I only had nausea and dizziness, so I guess no heart attack for me today.
I showered and tried to calm down. I think I'm dehydrated, like really really dehydrated. I'm also plateaued and that comes first, being stuck at 123 is really getting to me. Its like the 125-130 hump all over again grrr!
Out of the bath and I still feel really bad, I'm going to lay down. My husband is awake and worried, he sits on the bed and rubs my chest not really knowing what to make of this. I tell him my theory on dehydration and he suggests Gatorade. I don't drink Gatorade too many calories, I do Powerade Zero which has none and its the same difference.
I decide to make the bullion cube soup (10 calories) again just to have something in me. Maybe some sodium would help. I make the impromptu soup and load it with Cayenne pepper to boost metabolism, so much pepper it makes my nose run as I eat it. Six saltine crackers (72 calories) to boot. 82 calories total, not bad for today.
 |
| Soup and Crackers 82 calories |
Now home and the soup I ate is bothering me. Keeping anything down takes a lot of coaxing. I foolishly get on the scale and the weight is up by one. Its all water weight of course and it will go down soon, but its very triggering. For the first time in ten days I'm really triggered. I can't cave, my husband is off today and its just not an option. I have the drinks in the fridge ready to replenish me, yet its easier said than done. Why is that that even water is such a fear for me, I know it won't make me gain, but still I deny myself it. I can't cave, b/p right now could be pretty bad. I'm really weak and my electrolytes are all out of balance. I would be taking a huge risk.
I honestly don't know now what to do, the chest pain has subsided a little..
What would you do?
I don't know if I want to let Mia back in again, she may not leave.
No comments:
Post a Comment