Follow this new installation of my life.
Although, I will be back; here if course duh. You have no idea this weight!
How long can I get away with wearing the same pair of pajamas?
I'm sure this is a question of the ages.
I discovered micro-drinking one fine November morning in 2019 whilst on vacation.
It was during the witching hour on an extra brisk morning as I was prepping the giant turkey carcass for the annual tradition of Thanksgiving/Birthday celebration at my sister's house in Orlando. This year was particularly special because our eldest brother was joining us in what I hope to continue in a new tradition, well as normal and hopeful as one can get post Covid times.
My sister's small bar had one theme going for itself and that was RUM. Rum would not be my first choice. I'd like to proudly proclaim in an AAA meeting how Vodka was the one to ruin my life. Rum wouldn't have reeked as much havoc.
Look, I would drink mouthwash if circumstances presented itself so, but in our case it's Rum, so when in rum? it's fucking free booze on your shit vacation from the job which you've come to loathe as much as your own reflection. My life revolved around making 3 to 4 possible week long escapes from the THREE LETTER pharmacy hell as possible.
I found out that micro-drinking was amazing one fine morning when the hangover from the night before was resonating it's loudest. I've seemed to stumble among some kind of cure.
My sister's house was full that day, my brother sleeping on the couch in the living room teaming with cats, dogs and Christmas lights. My two nephews sleeping in one room, my sister fast asleep with her boyfriend in the next room. My daughter and I were sleeping in the eldest room, we were not alone, we had a giant pit bull, and a kitten smothering me.
I awake to hit a small joint in my sister's freezing am garage. Pets everywhere I look, it's the most runny my nose has been this year. The pot weighs heavily on my eyes for a moment before evaporating into a lightness all too familiar to me.
I baste turkey and fixings in the perspective places, Captain Morgan unbothered by the time, sits and stares unfulfilled in my direction.
My head throbs a bit, I forgo taking any meds at this time, and instead take four shots with the spicy captain. I feel leveled almost immediately, not once did it cross my mind how dangerous that was, to feel comfortable in another version of repetition.
Essentially that is all drinking and working, family, fucking, breathing, eating, and talking really is. Many poisons to choose from. Repetition.
Many forms of time that are all in their own order of importance.
Drinking helped the medicine of life go down, and made a vacation bearable.
The rest of my vacation was a blast, there was one night my sister went to bed ridiculously early leaving my brother to get too high with me, leading up to him throwing up all over himself and trying to quietly clean it up while bringing attention on the problem was hysterical.
We went to Ripley's Believe it or not Museum followed by a lot of drinking and eating spicy buffalo wings at Hooters.
My brother and I started The Mandolorian, we've not finished it. Does anyone know if baby Yoda lives?
I drank a lot all day that one easy week in November...
Today is August 1, 2020.
I have been unemployed for 2 weeks, the first two weeks of my eight year as a Lead Pharmacy Tech.
I drink any time of day now. It's not micro-dosing fun, it's depression.
I lost my job. Well no, let me rephrase that, I didn't lose shit, the corporate assholes in charge noticed I'd been there eight years and have started to make over eighteen dollars an hour and due to Covid 19 and no actual school, I can do a proper 40 hour work week. They decided to fire me for using an old gift card that belonged to someone else. Yep, apparently my $18.00 purchase equals massive theft for this non tax paying multi million dollar corporation, I almost cost thousands their office jobs from home!
I can see how totally bullshit this is, lord knows I've stolen from work far more than a mere eighteen dollars but this is the charge I'm accused of.
I don't argue or make a scene, instead I spend the first week of this smearing campaign of my name, my dismissal as a total drinking spree no questions asked.
My lovely boyfriend who's a Virgo, enough said, decides to forgo his nagging and go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 3 am and continue to drink with me. He's not been himself and that's been the most understanding, empathetic thing he could do, just don't be you and you will understand me and why I just want to cry.
We finish 8 seasons of Game of Thrones, we are now binging Six Feet Under and The Hand Maid's Tale.
We smoke and drink, he lets me just cry at random intervals daily. Sounds like a normal Pisces weekend except I've been sacked.
I get to just feel sad.
Week two of unemployment and I hear from less and less people from work with and I understand just how unimportant I am and what a fool I'd been for taking pride in what I do and who my colleagues were. My boss especially. I thought he'd drive by my apartment after work to tell me how much work sucked without me or to even try and hand deliver forms that I needed filled out for government benefits. Nope, no such luck.
Guess when everyone else's money is okay, you forget what it is like to be hungry.
I apply for unemployment benefits and food stamps. Unemployment Benefits are in the air seeing as the U.S.A has so many people on unemployment, it makes me so mad, not at the poor masses who've had to file early and deserve their money.
I am unemployed after having my coworker Useless call out that first two weeks when Covid was still called Corona Virus, or Wuhan Virus and still have his job, my boss who took off in March to have a baby, then decided to pussy out during Corona Virus and took even more time off, yes, I am unemployed after two 5' foot 2 men decided to reactivate their cock power rings.
The sadness becomes anger at times. I still go back and relive the whole awful embarrassing debacle again and cry. Cry for the meekness that I felt, the imaginary rug burns I felt at my knee caps from hoping somehow this horrible job that I loathed somehow would see my worth and contribution and please not fire me because I have nothing else.
At first this whole debacle was just a suspension.
I applied for unemployment that same day on July 17, 2020.
I knew I was going to be fired.
It wasn't until Friday 24th, when I realized my boss didn't give a shit about me--true story!
He hadn't filled out my Income Verification Form, he said something about something but to be honest I wasn't listening to him anymore.
So my other pharmacist filled out this stupid paperwork that was asked of me, I told my former boss to forget about it, I don't think he gave three thick shits about it anyways. See when you care about a person, you make an appearance. If that hasn't happened yet to you, well baby they don't care about you..
I put on Mascara today, nothing else.
Am I important again?
Work is work, I don't miss it. I miss the people who were my real friends, and now I can see who are the ones that only pretended. Fuck my sister who seems to revel in my misery and compete with me more than I want.
You are still older than me on paper bitch.
Yes I've worn these clothes for 4 days straight WHAT OF IT!!
