The extra sleep is appreciated believe you me.
I've been having headaches all weekend long, this morning is no exception.
A quick shower and plenty of Tylenol later, I try to make this mug have some hue instead of my usual florescent skin tone. I gobble my Anti Depressants, Benzos, and High BP medication, and diuretic even. Numb is the name of the game.
Getting ready and there's a nip to knee caps, my ferret. Buddy whose notorious for making me late, well one of the many reasons.
There's also my neighbors abandoned 2 cats who I and two more neighbors in my bldg have assumed charge of. Then there's 8 fish tanks with a plethora of hungry mouths bubbling at the surface.
Let's not forget the number one reason for tardiness this summer, my CAR.
On today's episode of Days of our Hyundai, we have the feisty gas deprived vehicle with an A.C that works for only ten minutes on a shady or wet morning. This powerless house of vehicle also has one peg tire who's rim can puncture the tire and explode as I punch it to 60 mph, thus sending me in a spirally death that no one will find out about until much later because I have no immediate loved ones, or so I've been told by my mechanic who wants positive Yelp reviews after each visit.
I'm running 10 minutes behind this morning but I can't help that at this point, I'll put gas when I get out of work today.
I make it to the Pharmacy or as I like to call it Patient Zero site, with four minutes to spare.
Step right up folks to a ceiling that has no tiles and hoses to suck roof leakage into small weird barrels that resemble Phantasm territory here. Blue Tarps covering merchandise aisles. Then there's our friends the RATS who have daily races above our cheap particle board ceiling tiles from Home Depot I bet. Don't forget the lovely psychedelic MOLD that is slowly spreading slowly laying harvest in our chest like some symbiotic host. It's only a matter of time before I become some kind of Cholesterol reducing Mutant or Opioid enhancing Mutant due to my pharmacy powers!
If that doesn't kill you then how about UTI girl! She's equipped with Urinary Tract Infections or Incontinence due to holding her urine in because our employee bathrooms are always broken, no worries my friend, because BAM! She can pee in a cup and dump it down the sink if need be instead of journeying outside in search of a functioning restroom.
There's also the Body Odor villain who has journeyed 45 minutes outside her home in her Golden chariot with no a.c, she's hot and no working a.c at the Pharmacy will make for new smelly weapons. She has no worries as she's really cool with the Beauty Consultant Master who lets her try on free samples.
I see my Boss in frantic at the register so I bolt left to the perfume samples and make sure I don't smell like a Spin Instructor on a 60 minute bender.
After punching in, he hugs and kisses me enthusiastically exclaiming "About fucking time!"
I usually make Cuban coffee (a.k.a liquid crack ) and now thanks to my Boss who brought a Keurig for myself the minute I punch in.
He needed coffee the poor thing, I did too.
"Useless" or so I called him then has upgraded, he's become such a sweetheart that he does not fail to give me a hard kiss and hug whenever he sees me. He's bought me my favorite creamer and coffee pods. He's also trying a lot harder, I can honestly say without ridicule that he's finally a team member and my friend. He's not so useless anymore, thus I'll call him INCONVENIENCE, a student whose school schedule has fucked me on more than one occasion how many doubles are allotted.
I make Cuban coffee or "Colada" as the annoying array of tourist who populate my neighborhood every weekend would request.
I make my own java and so we begin.
Work is repetitive and arbitrary. My hands are currently experiencing arthritis in the making, or maybe the lack of proper nutrition is causing this. It's difficult to make a fist some days.
I have a short schedule this week but I do my best.
Today was my last Xanax.
I won't be able t fill my script until the 8th, I've been taking more than usual due to personal reasons. Now I'm down to the last one. Xanax has been the only thing that keeps me from either drowning in tears or feeling everything simultaneously. HAIL
The drive to work is terrifying as I go 60 mph with a car that has bad shocks..
Emergency Xanax is important, but it's gone now.
At work I do what I can, the same boring things occur.
I'd like to talk about current events but we are prohibited to talk about Politics via email, so instead you may hear just sound bits here and there in whispers.
I count the clock till 3 pm.
Nothing fascinating is happening here. I work and drown in bills, am single with a teenager whose starting High School soon.
I'm currently at 150 lbs.
I am beside myself.
I'm trying to lose this weight, it's harder now. I can go all week without eating, but when the weekend comes around. I keep it all down..Guess that's the problem. I haven't embraced MIA in a long time but now, I really need to not be this weight, I've suppressed this persona long enough.
Behaviors may be resurfacing, who cares or notices. It's just me now. Time to get serious about restricting and fasting.
I think sometimes it's better to keep it tight with important personal details, what good are two or more to know your distress yet do nothing to help you.
Cut them off, it's time.
Lots of shootings in the News. I don't want to die buying school supplies on sale. Why does my daughter deserve a bullet to her abdomen? Since when did speaking more than one language become a death sentence? She'll be attending a very large, unknown public school, it's far and I have no idea what transport we'll have.
I've discussed escape routes with coworkers of mines. This weekend when I do my Back to School shopping, I will absolutely buy a bullet proof book bag.
Times have changed, people are a bit more opinionated when it comes to what they think is the absolute truth.
I just want to get my kid through High School and into a career she aspires for.
I don't ask for much, I just want a proper BMI and someone I can wake up to every morning that's not a member of the Animal Kingdom.
I want a working car, a decent place to live, health and prosperity.
Today ended with me buying take out and napping til 8 pm.
I have tons on my mind lately, most importantly it's solely on me for the resolve. Most do not understand the profound feeling of Failure but I do.
Midnight now so it's my bedtime.
Talk to you again soon.