Today was a good day.
Halloween. Its my favorite day in the entire year, today I was normal, sort of.
I woke up anxious and excited this morning, today would be a challenge. Last night I laxed again, after awaking at 8am, weighed and 119lbs. Finally things seem to be getting back on track.
After weighing, I took water pills, supps, and an OEP.
Tried to go back to bed but couldn't, a short while later my daughter woke up and jumped on the bed.
"Happy Halloween Mom!" she said super excited at the thought of wearing a costume and consuming infinite amounts of sugar.
I made her breakfast and ate with her too. My husband was still asleep and I was dizzy. Lots to do today.
I faked a shower and purged. 119 still-safe.
I decided to get a workout in, seeing as how the day would be long.
Normally I'd shower straight after, but the fatigue hit me hard and I layed back down while my husband woke up and got ready to put the coffee on.
"Lulu? are you OK, what's wrong?" concern in his voice.
Morning workouts get me so tired for some reason, besides all the lax.
I just needed to come down for a minute, then I proceeded to shower.
My husband showered and got ready and then my daughter.
I sewed a hole in her costume right quick and then the Scooby suit was back on.
Now my turn to get ready. My husband had no idea what I would dress up as. Neither did I initially, but I improvised and It turned out OK.
After a few hours of this we were all tired and ready to go home. More wine and scary movies awaited us..
In the back of my mind I wanted to know if any weight had fluctuated.
It was getting late and time for my niece to go home, my little nephew who's in the terrible two faze was tired and fussy.
After she was dropped back home the wine continued, this time I flew solo.
I've checked weight and I'm up by one.
I'm already dehydrated and there is no school tomorrow or the next day for my daughter. What do I do?
I've already started the drinking binge, and now I feel like I should just b/p too.
My husband is preoccupied with a bottle of Whiskey and the DVR recording of the Miami Heat game, I can go unnoticed.
I don't know what to do.
I'm triggered. I feel like I even want to lax again!
I can't lax again, three days in a row is bad news, bad.
I won't lax.
As for Mia's constant nag, I'm not really sure now. I think I will.
The day was almost perfect, but the Ed is always there. Mia is always there, a promise when all others fade away. I feel like crying, I feel defeated. A slave to this.
I can't even imagine the exhaustion my body will feel tomorrow from this. The abuse I put myself through. Why do I keep punishing myself so much?
I can't even remember anymore what got all this started.
Almost midnight now and I think I should just get it over with. My feet hurt and my daughter's asleep already. The game is over now and my husband has that look on his eye like he wants to talk. Ugh chatter, how I hate it. I long for silence and the dark cold quiet that comes with it.
Hope you all had a good time tonight, I did, up until now.
Goodnight my lovelies.
Happy Halloween to you all!