Friday, November 16, 2012


Today I had training for the final aspect of my job that was missing.
I felt good finally being able to understand what everyone else knew.
I still have one more training course next Tuesday in the morning which would be fine except I work later for 8 or so hours.

I'm feeling really stretched here.

I had a meeting with my kid's teacher. She was very insistent on seeing both me and my ex.
I made it just in time.
As I'm exiting my daughter's godmother's car, I see my ex across the street watching with too much interest.
My friend drives off and my ex crosses the street, the first words out his mouth are
"Is that, that fucking guy!"
This dickhead doesn't get it.
I don't owe him any explanations.
He should be worried about his kid, not my boyfriend.

The meeting with the teacher is not good.
My kid is having trouble with Grammar.
She can read, it's just the writing that's giving her trouble.
The teacher wants my ex and I to "join forces" in order to help my kid do better in school.
We hardly speak let alone do anything else.
By the end of the meeting I felt like a horrible parent, helpless without a solution.
I wish I had a quick fix for this but that's not possible, that's not how it works.
We're going to have to work at this, things have to change.

Being a working Mom has it's drawbacks. I'm tired all the time, my ED doesn't help either. Most days I just want to watch an episode of Charmed on Netflix and have a glass of wine before bed.
Me time is scarce.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate sometimes.
I know it could be worse and at one point in time it was, so I just have to take a deep breath and remind myself that this year is different and good.
This is a test, a trial. Obstacles are set in front of me and only I can overcome them.

I'm throwing an early birthday for my kid tomorrow at her school.
I baked a chocolate cake and have mini muffins for her classmates. I would have more but I don't have a car so what's available is all I can muster.
My daughter is excited of course she gets to celebrate her birthday three times.
The pretend one at school, another inpromtu at my sister's house next week, and then her actual birthday on Monday.

I see my boyfriend tomorrow too.
I'm happy about that.
I've been so lonely lately. I'm not used to distance in a relationship.
Missing someone and only seeing them once or twice a week is hard on my heart.

My feet hurt from so much walking and standing.
I'd love Peridot to knit me fuzzy inserts for my shoes as she suggested. I'm sure they'd keep me warm in the pharmacy.
The cold is not my friend. I'm cold all the time.
I'm solely existing off of meal replacement shakes. I tried to eat last night, just some crackers with pb and by the time morning rolled around I felt sick to my stomach.
I ended up forcing myself to expel whatever it was making me queasy.
Turns out it was what I ate, undigested.
I had two shakes today and felt nauseous again. I took a Zantac after long hours of enduring, I don't know what happened but suddenly I was stuck with the Hiccups for an hour straight.

So that's it, I'm off to bed to try and sleep.
I only managed to sleep for thirty minutes yesterday.
My Insomnia is horrible.
I'm exhausted.

Hope you all are well.
Take care.


Peridot (G+P) said...

If she loves reading the writing will come; don't panic. Sometimes it can be hard to formulate your thoughts and speak them or get them down on paper. It's a skill that needs a lot of practise.

Lol to practise my Japanese I wrote a diary of an imaginary foreign cat in Japan modelled on the 'Lazy cat' radio series done by Ugly Dave/The Yatesman. Maybe she could do something like that? 5 sentences minimum about the adventures of one of her toy characters? Maybe a superhero story where the Evil Dr.Calico attempts to take over Florida and keeps getting stopped?

ASDFAGKGLKDSFHADLSFJG could the douchecannon ex stop being a jealous fuckwit for a minute and do parent stuff too? FFS fathers have responsibilities too!

You DO have a lot on your plate. Full-time Mumming, full-time work and an ED that's demanding full-time status too. You're doing absolutely fantastically so far, if I was in your shoes I would have run for the hills months ago!

Be gentle on yourself, no bashing yourself up! Step at a time, ok? It doesn't matter if they're only baby steps, if they're all going in the right direction you'll be making progress before you know it.

Hmmmm I'll hunt up some fluffy shoe liners and investigate legwarmer patterns :3

Omg that sucks! *Hugs* It sounds like delayed gastric emptying, or just your stomach now refusing to empty into the lower digestive tract full-stop. It can be a side effect of severe anorexia and bulimia, especially after the GI muscles start to atrophy from lack of use.
This might help?

Sending you sleepy thoughts. Arohnanui BAMF Lou <3