I've hypothesized theories as to why my vlogs suddenly are taking longer than normal to load, the most scientific is that maybe my old Flip camera is the culprit.
I need a new handheld recorder.
I suspect more vlogs will upload easier if I had a newer gadget.
So lets get into what's been happening after the latest vlog entry.
I've been preparing for my sister's arrival on Thursday night.
She will be going to Cuba for a week to meet her in-laws and I will be saddled with my nephews.
She arrives Thursday night and I'm happy.
She and my nephews bombard me with birthday presents.
My sister has bought me a Hello Kitty sterling silver watch from Khol's.
I have a new pair of aviators and some cute blouses I can wear to work.
My sister has also been sneaky with me...last week on the day I decided to buy the bunk beds for my daughters room she calls asking for advice on books.
She tells me that her boss needs helps picking books out for his wife.
She and I have similar taste in books.
My sister starts to ask me what are books I would love to own or haven't read.
I am stunned at the question because I just don't know how to answer that.
There are so many books I would love to own or haven't read yet...At some point in the convo she asks me what is an all time favorite book I want to read this very second?
I give her frustrating answers until she's finally had enough.
As I open my gift bag, two books I mentioned are in there. She got me the newest Stephen King book "Dr. Sleep" and "Cujo."
She bought me nose rings too.
It was a lovely surprise. My nephews settle in for the night and so does she.
We all stay up and laugh and talk. We head over to 7-11 for munchies late in the night. I keep a Cherry slushy and half a hotdog down.
The next day on Friday we all head out for a little shopping. She's taking some electronics to Cuba for the in-laws. A big screen T.V and a surround sound.
When we get home finally we get my daughter from school and then relax.
My boyfriend is coming over for the weekend with his stepson too. This will be the first time he will meet my sister.
I think the last few times she's been around he's been avoiding the meeting but to my delight not this time.
My sister is all too happy to meet him. She thinks despite our last fight that he's a good match for me.
She can tell that I'm happy.
As we wait for the last houseguests to arrive my sister goes on and on about my now dark hair and curvier body shape.
She keeps spanking my bubble butt. She says my boobs are bigger too.
My face is rounder and well there's no easy way to avoid the fact that yes, I have gained now 20lbs. FUCK that actually hurt saying thatoout loud. I hardly have a clavicle or anything for that matter. The days of bones protruding are long gone.
I am not emaciated in the slightest. Gaining weight is monumental and most days I feel like one. Maybe a pyramid or some other bulbous wonder.
My sister and I eat throughout the day and purge everything. Her Ed is just as bad as mines.
She still is in denial and simply chucks up purging to the fact that it "doesn't settle well in her stomach."
She still doesn't want to acknowledge that she has a real problem that won't get any easier if she keeps (no pun intended) feeding it.
She even takes my remaining laxatives to end the night well. I hear her recall tales of panic attacks after eating and the fact that she purges at everyday work. She tells me that this whole Ed thing is my fault. She wish she never knew just how far I've gone to lose weight. She says it in a joking but her underlying tone is apparent. She genuinely is surprised by how quickly mimicking my Ed has cost her.
My boyfriend finally arrives and it's a nice moment. I can't tell you all just how much I have missed him.
My sister welcomes him with open arms and he's officially dubbed brother in law. She watches our interactions with much interest and I can tell what she's thinking. .."You look happy." The days of being trapped in a un affectionate lifeless marriage are a thing of tge past.
The night goes off without a hitch.
My boyfriend has work to do, it seems everyone is trying to log on to my wifi and can't.
I bought one of those Google Chromecast apparatuses to be able to stream things from my devices. I can't seem to set that up either.
(I am John Conner) Technology doesn't stand a chance in my presence.
My boyfriend is the only person with patience to do so.
He quickly figures out that the password I was giving out was wrong (whoops) and finally everyone can connect again.
Later comes the problem with the Chromecast..
My boyfriend disconnects and reconnects it thinking that was maybe the problem?
He didn't know about the app I had to download and the fact that the connection problem was there and not in the Installation.
We had to move the T.V and get a better look.
Unfortunately he broke my HDMI. It came off of the soldered green board it was attached to inside my television.
35$ on a Google Chromecast for nothing.
You can't imagine the degree of upset I was.
My sister kept making jokes at his expense because it was funny and all you can do sometimes is just laugh at all the shit that gets tossed your way.
I had to let go because well I said I was going to not sweat the small stuff anymore so I did.
My sister was supposed to sleep with me and my daughter in my bedroom on my full mattress while my Boyfriend and his son got the twin air mattress, my nephews roommates again in the new bunk beds in my daughters room.
But after seeing what happened she thought it best if he and I got the bed to ourselves and she slept with her kids one final time before she leaves for Cuba the next day, she was also trying to make my boyfriend and I get over the broken T.V debacle.
It worked.
I'm still upset of course but I have to just shrug my shoulders because frankly I can't do anything more.
On Saturday morning at 6 am my sister approaches my bed to scare me awake...you can't scare an insomniac people, we're always up. So instead I scared her. She gave me her debit card and insisted I go get McDonald's breakfast for everyone in the house. 30$ later we are all eating and then going back to sleep while my sister continues getting ready to leave, to hop on a plane and disappear for a week.
I kept my breakfast down and stayed awake with her.
When it's time for her to leave I'm suddenly scared.
I'm scared of never seeing her again. If something ever happened to my sister I would be inconsolable. She's one of the only people on this planet who's void would leave me utterly and completely altered. It would feel like a missing viable organ. I would essentially be breathing with one lung instead of two.
I say goodbye to her and can only look on as she drives away. All the while praying that her plane lands safely.
Sunday comes around and my boyfriend has to go.
I also find out some rather distressing news, my older brother is in Jail.
He has a suspended license and is driving around in a an unregistered, uninsured car.
His wife texts me on Facebook, she wants to know if I've heard from him which I haven't.
My brother bought a car with no immediate attention to get any legal things in order.
His "wife" ( I say wife cos she's been with him for more than 7yrs now) doesn't really share any real information about his arrest not to mention the fact that the only thing she disclosed was the fact he's been locked up for almost a week? She wants my phone number to share with him.
I start to internalize. What if he wants bail money? I can't afford that. His "wife" just got her 7k plus income tax, surely she could bail him out although on her own Facebook she's been checking In at restaurants and casinos. She has plenty more than me.
The way she even mentioned his lock up was very nonchalant. Almost a week later she tells me?
He's in a Federal Prison which means serious time and charges.
I've been on his Facebook sending S.O.S to everyone who can help him out as per his request.
I don't know what to do, I can't financially help him do a thing.
My nephews stay with me instead of leaving with my ex which is nice. Their loyalty is comforting.
My nephews have grown into such lovely young men. I'm so proud of who they have shaped out to be.
My boyfriend is the only person with patience to do so.
He quickly figures out that the password I was giving out was wrong (whoops) and finally everyone can connect again.
Later comes the problem with the Chromecast..
My boyfriend disconnects and reconnects it thinking that was maybe the problem?
He didn't know about the app I had to download and the fact that the connection problem was there and not in the Installation.
We had to move the T.V and get a better look.
Unfortunately he broke my HDMI. It came off of the soldered green board it was attached to inside my television.
35$ on a Google Chromecast for nothing.
You can't imagine the degree of upset I was.
My sister kept making jokes at his expense because it was funny and all you can do sometimes is just laugh at all the shit that gets tossed your way.
I had to let go because well I said I was going to not sweat the small stuff anymore so I did.
My sister was supposed to sleep with me and my daughter in my bedroom on my full mattress while my Boyfriend and his son got the twin air mattress, my nephews roommates again in the new bunk beds in my daughters room.
But after seeing what happened she thought it best if he and I got the bed to ourselves and she slept with her kids one final time before she leaves for Cuba the next day, she was also trying to make my boyfriend and I get over the broken T.V debacle.
It worked.
I'm still upset of course but I have to just shrug my shoulders because frankly I can't do anything more.
On Saturday morning at 6 am my sister approaches my bed to scare me awake...you can't scare an insomniac people, we're always up. So instead I scared her. She gave me her debit card and insisted I go get McDonald's breakfast for everyone in the house. 30$ later we are all eating and then going back to sleep while my sister continues getting ready to leave, to hop on a plane and disappear for a week.
I kept my breakfast down and stayed awake with her.
When it's time for her to leave I'm suddenly scared.
I'm scared of never seeing her again. If something ever happened to my sister I would be inconsolable. She's one of the only people on this planet who's void would leave me utterly and completely altered. It would feel like a missing viable organ. I would essentially be breathing with one lung instead of two.
I say goodbye to her and can only look on as she drives away. All the while praying that her plane lands safely.
Sunday comes around and my boyfriend has to go.
I also find out some rather distressing news, my older brother is in Jail.
He has a suspended license and is driving around in a an unregistered, uninsured car.
His wife texts me on Facebook, she wants to know if I've heard from him which I haven't.
My brother bought a car with no immediate attention to get any legal things in order.
His "wife" ( I say wife cos she's been with him for more than 7yrs now) doesn't really share any real information about his arrest not to mention the fact that the only thing she disclosed was the fact he's been locked up for almost a week? She wants my phone number to share with him.
I start to internalize. What if he wants bail money? I can't afford that. His "wife" just got her 7k plus income tax, surely she could bail him out although on her own Facebook she's been checking In at restaurants and casinos. She has plenty more than me.
The way she even mentioned his lock up was very nonchalant. Almost a week later she tells me?
He's in a Federal Prison which means serious time and charges.
I've been on his Facebook sending S.O.S to everyone who can help him out as per his request.
I don't know what to do, I can't financially help him do a thing.
My nephews stay with me instead of leaving with my ex which is nice. Their loyalty is comforting.
My nephews have grown into such lovely young men. I'm so proud of who they have shaped out to be.
My sister calls Sunday ans she's okay. Enjoying the scenery and locale.
I'm glad she's okay.
Today is Monday and that means I work at the Beach store. I sleep till 10 am and then wake up and clean the house, I make my nephews breakfast, and even read the 1st chapter of "Dr. Sleep." It's a good Intro so far, wish I didn't have to work so I can keep reading.
My nephews have an older brother on their fathers side and he is asking to take them for half the day.
I will be working for 7 hours today so I don't mind them going away and being distracted. I get ready for work and they get ready to leave.
The drive to work makes me anxious but I arrive 10 minutes early.
My nephews decide after hanging with their older brother to cruise on over and hang out with their old their uncle, my ex husband.
Work today Is hectic. We are so behind its scary. 11 pages in production!
I help out as best I can and work with one of my favorite pharmacists who hasn't seen my new dark hair.
She loves it, says I look like I'm "trouble."
Work was okay with the exception of one guy who I just about had enough of his disrespect.
He was trying to refill his wife's prescription for Vyvanse which is a Narcotic and can only be refilled via a new Rx by the doctor. I explained that to him but he went as far as to argue with me and say "Are you new? You must be because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"
I had enough of his smart mouth and decided you know what? I don't have to deal with other peoples bullshit.
Let someone else handle that, so I told my boss and she reiterated what I've been saying all along.
The rest of the day was busy but fine.
Later on that same bullheaded man showed up with actual Rx's for the Narcotic.
My sweet pharmacist told him she didn't have it anyways to fill so he walked away with nothing. She winked at me and said she did have it but would rather make him sweat on account of the way he treated me which was unfair.
When 9'oclck rolls around I'm all too happy to go home.
My nephews are with my ex husband watching the Miami Heat basketball game at his house.
He can't drop them off back home cos he's too drunk.
Instead I go near his house to pick them up.
My nephews have had a lovely day and that's all that matters. They played Hoops with their older brother and then visited their father's grave together, later they hung out with my ex and watched a basketball game.
I texted the Pharmacy Manager at the chaotic store to confirm my schedule but I've been given the day off.
Tuesday I usually work at the chaotic store but not today, because March 4th is my birthday and I'm not doing shit!
Happy birthday to me, and Happy birthday Ed, this day marks 5yrs of more behaviors that I never expected again.
5yrs of more fasting, laxatives, diet pills, starving, b/p and behaviors. 5yrs of robbery.
When I pick up my nephews from the CVS by my exs house we head home, they tell me all about their day and that they've met some famous rapper on the basketball court, we exchange pleasantries about famous people we've met.
My nephews want to do laundry so we do.
At midnight exactly they both embrace me in a giant bear hug and wish me a Happy Birthday!
Aww I love my nephews.
So..this is it.
It's now my birthday,
I'm now (33) and no wiser.
I'm (33) and no more recovered from my Ed as I'd like.
I'm (33) no more wiser or done with my novel.
I'm (33) and still struggling with Life as it's dealt.
But I'm here.
Happy Birthday to me, fuck I'm still here.
My nephews have an older brother on their fathers side and he is asking to take them for half the day.
I will be working for 7 hours today so I don't mind them going away and being distracted. I get ready for work and they get ready to leave.
The drive to work makes me anxious but I arrive 10 minutes early.
My nephews decide after hanging with their older brother to cruise on over and hang out with their old their uncle, my ex husband.
Work today Is hectic. We are so behind its scary. 11 pages in production!
I help out as best I can and work with one of my favorite pharmacists who hasn't seen my new dark hair.
She loves it, says I look like I'm "trouble."
Work was okay with the exception of one guy who I just about had enough of his disrespect.
He was trying to refill his wife's prescription for Vyvanse which is a Narcotic and can only be refilled via a new Rx by the doctor. I explained that to him but he went as far as to argue with me and say "Are you new? You must be because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"
I had enough of his smart mouth and decided you know what? I don't have to deal with other peoples bullshit.
Let someone else handle that, so I told my boss and she reiterated what I've been saying all along.
The rest of the day was busy but fine.
Later on that same bullheaded man showed up with actual Rx's for the Narcotic.
My sweet pharmacist told him she didn't have it anyways to fill so he walked away with nothing. She winked at me and said she did have it but would rather make him sweat on account of the way he treated me which was unfair.
When 9'oclck rolls around I'm all too happy to go home.
My nephews are with my ex husband watching the Miami Heat basketball game at his house.
He can't drop them off back home cos he's too drunk.
Instead I go near his house to pick them up.
My nephews have had a lovely day and that's all that matters. They played Hoops with their older brother and then visited their father's grave together, later they hung out with my ex and watched a basketball game.
I texted the Pharmacy Manager at the chaotic store to confirm my schedule but I've been given the day off.
Tuesday I usually work at the chaotic store but not today, because March 4th is my birthday and I'm not doing shit!
Happy birthday to me, and Happy birthday Ed, this day marks 5yrs of more behaviors that I never expected again.
5yrs of more fasting, laxatives, diet pills, starving, b/p and behaviors. 5yrs of robbery.
When I pick up my nephews from the CVS by my exs house we head home, they tell me all about their day and that they've met some famous rapper on the basketball court, we exchange pleasantries about famous people we've met.
My nephews want to do laundry so we do.
At midnight exactly they both embrace me in a giant bear hug and wish me a Happy Birthday!
Aww I love my nephews.
So..this is it.
It's now my birthday,
I'm now (33) and no wiser.
I'm (33) and no more recovered from my Ed as I'd like.
I'm (33) no more wiser or done with my novel.
I'm (33) and still struggling with Life as it's dealt.
But I'm here.
Happy Birthday to me, fuck I'm still here.
1 comment:
Wow, it sounds like you've been really busy. You've got so much going on. I don't think it's fair for your sister to blame her ed on you. I hope everything gets figured out for you.
XOXO
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