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Monday, March 11, 2013

Doldrums

I feel drained of all color today.
My headache pulsates over my thoughts as soon as I open my eyes.
Another day to do it all differently.
I feel tired, hopeless.
Wish I could lay here all day and not talk.
Talking hurts today, my negativity hurts my soul, why the physical act of moving my jaw hurts my face
Too much bp has left my gums and teeth sore. Opening my mouth wide all day yesterday to purge has left me in pain today

I feel physically incapable of moving my body.
I feel very empty and worrisome.
Too many feelings now, very overwhelmed.
I feel very lonely.
The loneliness is palpable.

It's sad that the one thing that is destroying me is my only true company, is it no wonder I can't find myself ever letting it go?
Sometimes I welcome it, I wish it would just rip me to shreds already.
I get tired of holding on to "it will get better."
What is better anyways?
Maybe they mean better for them.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

No we all mean "better" for you.. even though you dont wanna hear it. There are alot of ppl that love you and care about you Lourdes ..if you werent here we would all lose a piece of our heart, dont forget that.

Mr Asshole

Peridot (G+P) said...

Seriously, how on earth do you still look gorgeous in low-res? D: NOT FAIR!

I would define 'better' as being able to live a life not dominated by ED and having the mood-related brainspaz managed so you can enjoy the things you enjoy doing.

If you need something to rock out to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmaQX_fLO50

You ARE worth fighting for, Lou. Your improved quality of life for YOU is important.

Tons of love and cat-floof covered huggles from me and Dralion McMeowface.

<3