Thursday, June 13, 2013

Don't even bother

I tried.
I just can't.
Seems like one day without behaviors is all I can manage.

I'm so sad my chest aches.
I can't even cry the way I want because my daughter is here and she keeps asking me questions. I don't even hear anything over my inner rage at myself for not making 48hrs free of bulimia.

I don't want to try anymore today. I'm going to chug the half of nyquil bottle that I have and not wake up anymore today. I don't care that my left kidney hurts so much today I can hardly walk or move without wincing.

I will never be okay with food will I?

I am so sick of the mere sight of myself feel like cutting my face to match my rotten insides.


Peridot (G+P) said...

One day is better than no days, yes? You know you can do it, so don't bash on yourself.

Gotta find other ways to do for you what the behaviours do and slowly swap the fuckers over.

NO SLICING ON YOURSELF. Do costume makeup if you must, but NO CUTTING. I'm probably never wearing skirts shorter than knee-length again unless I get extensive tattoo work done to hide the scars from the last 2 years :/

If you need to look ugly, go watch this video:

Miles LOVES doing gross makeup, he can make you into a different zombie every day if you feel so inclined. All you need is bog roll, liquid latex and makeup.

Love you <3