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Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Blow

Well it's official, my Shrink just called me to tell me that she can no longer see me.
My insurance refuses to pay and she has no choice but to transfer me and five other patients of hers somewhere else. I can't even see her next Tuesday to say goodbye.
I am so sad.
How am I supposed to just start all over again with someone else?
How can I? Why should I!!
She was the only person I trusted..Smdh
Happy Tuesday is of no help, he snubbed me last night and today half way in a conversation for his Ex/Roomate. She has a new car and is randomly popping up to check on him all of a sudden. Yesterday he was chatting with me and taking far too long to respond back, I asked him if he was busy and his answer was
"No I'm not, but I'm also chatting chit chatting with this chick."
This chick?
Oh you mean that chick.
Today she called to say she was gonna stop by his mother's house where he is all dam day *coughs inaudible word-Mama's Boy!* to swim in the pool. Wow the good life, sounds like a fun afternoon. I told him I had to go, why was I gonna keep talking to him? Sounds like his day just got cozier. Don't let me interrupt.
I don't wanna talk to him for awhile, let's see how long I can ignore and avoid him.
 Maybe if I'm ever in need of more jack rabbit sex.. I'll call you, don't call me.

The Boy is at work and trying his best to comfort me, I told him that my Therapist was the only person who I trusted and one of the few people who I actually could really be myself with. We were making progress.
Now I have no one.
"You have me." he says. Three little words that practically echoed on the screen.
Yes I do, I'm glad for that..
He's trying to just be there in his own way and tell me that things will get better.
I know he doesn't understand, how could he. Part of him may understand the loneliness I feel on a daily basis because he feels that too.
It's one reason I think why we clicked so fast, because we both are alone all day.
All he does is work, moving to a new city has left him with no real friends. His mother and her new boyfriend don't sound like much help, they should have their own reality show let's just put it that way.
They are milking him dry and making him flip the bill for most of their lifestyle. It's so unfair.
I'm basically the only person he really has outside of work. He's very sweet and is one of those people who would give you his last dollar in his wallet if that could help you out in any way.
I wish I could get my act together and just say to hell with this place and move somewhere with him and start all over.
Of course things feel hard for me, I feel like I take steps forward only to be knocked back into my rightful pitiful place again.
I've only taken one Buspar pill today, yesterday too.  The headaches are still there but not as potent.
Guess who else is here, name rhyme's with Cha Cha Cha Chia!
Ah its Old Girl and she wants to play some today.
I think I will.
I don't deserve any better than to stay sick and miserable.
So I'm going to head to the market and rack up on junk food and boxes of laxatives. Thank God tomorrow is Friday cus I'm gonna be sick all weekend long.
Hello Ed, Hello Mia!
Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuumble!

3 comments:

Jenn said...

word. that's me today too, wait, that's me every day: B/P X 3.....

I love The Boy. I want you to run away to live with him.....

Peridot (G+P) said...

That sucks total balls *Hugs* It always seems like when things are going well with a given therapist, shit like this happens. I'm sending letters to Karma consisting of the phrase "What the bloody hell are you doing??"

Maybe Karma is PMS-ing.

Scary thought!

Dear Happy Tuesday: You're now in booty-call only zone. Suck it, you wanker!

I hope you have a good weekend despite the planned threesome with Ed and Mia. You look so sad I just want to hug you and kidnap you away for some fun touristing times.

Arohanui <3

Does It Even Matter said...

I know how you feel about the therapist...Ive been in therapy since I was 7 and been going on and off due to insurance or no insurance and it sucks. I finally got a insurance plan that will cover it again and i found out the doc I had for years retired. I just gave up. How can i start over with someone from SEVEN years old?? I'll be in 6 months of weekly sessions before i even catch her up to my shit bag life theses days. UGH SO FRUSTRATING. I feel your pain girl, stay strong, and maybe give this new doc a chance....who knows it might work out

<3