Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Hello there..

Monday was a snooze, Monday's are mundane indeed.
My daughter needed new school shoes and I needed to get out of this house. My husband was still asleep unknowing of my plans for tomorrow.
Happy Tuesday wants to see me, I agreed asking once, twice and thrice if he was sure, after the last time being stood up was not taken well.
He reassured me that things were different this time so I believed him.
On Monday I got everything ready, the outfit I wanted to wear, the lingerie, I even cookies bought coloring books and baked cookies for his stepson. I felt bad for the kid, he was getting the boot for a day so I could visit in peace.
I knew of this shoe store downtown that I thought would have a pair of shoes for my kid, so later on that same day my husband accompanied me there.
On the way I snapped some pics of this New Sculpture put up in a park near Bayside, then I circled three full parking lots in search of the closest spot available.

Finally a spot!
I park and we mosey on window shopping before entering the shoe store.
*Deep Sigh* So many stores and one in particular with the prettiest dress I ever saw, I asked my husband if we could pop in for a minute and I saw that look he gets in his eye when he doesn't want to sit in a chair with my purse in his lap while I go and try on clothes.
I just wanted the one dress..
I skim through the sizes and find a XS, the material of the dress was suppose to hug your body or so I thought.
In the changing room and I couldn't believe the dress fit me all wrong, an XS and it still didn't fit right. I shook my head and stared in the mirror disappointed while my husband told me to get the smallest size available to which I replied I did!
I'm too skinny for the dress?
Shopping for clothes was fun once upon a time.
The Jr.'s Department isn't exactly where I want to find clothes, sometimes its hard to get something that fits in a Woman's size. So it's official now, I'm being forced back into adolescence wearing kid's clothes.
The shoe store was having a sale and unfortunately they didn't have the shoe I wanted to get for my daughter in her size. Maybe in another week I was told, in the meantime my husband and I tried on shoes.
I found some cute sandals to match my outfit while my husband snatched up a pair of white tennis shoes.
Later while heading back to the parking lot there was a purse I saw and had to get. It cheered me up from the failed dress fiasco.

The rest of my day was spent getting ready for tomorrow, gas in the car, hair dyed, purse packed. I was getting nervous.
I told my husband I was going to visit a friend who just had a baby. He didn't really like the idea but he had no choice in the matter.

Tuesday at 6am my day starts. A quick workout followed by a meticulous shower.
I dress my daughter for school and we're off.
On the way back home the building's  Maintenance men approach inform me they will be heading up to work on my apartment.
My husband was still asleep when there was a sharp loud knock on the door.
So it starts.
While the men began installing a new bathroom sink and retouching paint in my apartment, I continued to get things ready for my departure. My husband was not too happy being not only woken up but also asked to move furniture around so they could paint.
I said my goodbye at 10:30 and was off to see my shrink.
I'm ready Skinny Bitch again and my shrink is twenty minutes late.
I spoke to Happy Tuesday who confirmed my visit, I wanted to be outta here by 12.
Finally my shrink arrives out of breath and sporting a smile.
Our session runs good and she saves the bad news for last.
The clinic is thinking of separating the insured patients from the uninsured ones, that means some people may have to get new shrinks.
Guess who one of those people is?
My shrink told me that she was going to delay her paperwork as much as possible, but inevitably they were gonna split us up.
Why am always losing people I care about the most.
My heart is broken, I can't even conceive starting over again with someone else.
I may have to reconsider therapy altogether.
After the session ends at 12:15, I walk to my car and take the Buspar which I was saving for the long drive to see Happy Tuesday.
The anxiety attack was coming on already.
The long drive felt like it took forever, at one point in the day it started to rain, while I was slowing down at a light and then starting up again on green, my car slowed down for a minute.
My heart dropped to my stomach and I was so far away, I was praying that this car wouldn't cut off. I wouldn't even know of what to say if I broke down so far from home and nowhere near the vicinity of where my friend with the baby lived.
The car stayed on and I think it was just the wheel traction on account of the rain and the now slippery street.
I drove like an old lady after that, let's just say I saw a lot of birds that day.
I get a phone call from Happy Tuesday to let me know that he left the gate open for me to park my car?
I've always parked in the front?
When I get there I pull inside the driveway and my little car is hidden from prying eyes.
Apparently the whole charade is so his Roommate/Ex-Girlfriend/Girl he is actually in love with doesn't drive by and see my bug.
I don't get those two, they are not in a relationship yet she is jealous and possessive of him and knows who I am plus hates my guts.
If I didn't give a shit this might of actually bothered me.
I sit in his living room while he popped in the shower for a minute, on the couch I flip through channels and land on not only Showtime but the movie Talahina Sky!! I manage to catch the ending.
Omg I need to see this in its entirety! Its for sale on Amazon now I think? or was that in November?
After an hour of talking or catching up we finally go upstairs.
The last time I was here was completely different.
Happy Tuesday was enjoying himself, I on the other hand well..
I'm not as hung up on him as before. It didn't feel like before.
Part of me wanted to feel something more for him but I couldn't.
Simply put, The Boy was all I could think about.
Being with Happy Tuesday only confirmed how much I cared about him.
During periods of down time, we started talking about this and that, Happy Tuesday called me by his Ex's name by mistake and quickly apologized.
It didn't bother me, he started asking about The Boy so I told him. I think he's jealous. My phone starts ringing and its my husband..I hesitate to call him back but eventually do.
He tells me to talk to my daughter because she's in hysterics. My daughter is on the other end of the line in tears and missing me. I calm her down and inform her that I was going home soon, I distract her by asking what color was the bathroom. She finally is okay and I tell my husband I'll be home later.
I left his house around 5pm and popped another Buspar, I had a horrible headache coming on again and the drive home was better, I felt good. I pull into a McDonald's and buy a kid's meal, that should cheer my kid right up. I can't even remember whens the last time she ate this.
My husband was home with my daughter and the bathroom was not only fixed but now painted a baby blue.
I talk my husband's ear off and she made a comment on my demeanor.
"You look happy, I think this medication is helping."
I agree.
My husband hugs me and sniffs my hair.
"You smell good."
I'm not nervous at all, but a small part of me wondered if he could smell the other man on me.
We continue the rest of the night in a pleasant atmosphere, then my husband stuffed from the baked Chicken and potatoes decides to go for a long walk with my daughter.
I'm left all alone and The Boy is online and IM'n me.
We cam for a little nit and he starts to pick at me because I have a Hello Kitty throw around me.
He says when we live together I have to keep the Pepto Bismol pink to a normal minimum.
I bust out laughing and tell him there will be a pink item in every room of the house.
I missed him alot and wish more than anything that we could live together. I feel safe with him, he's not a liar, what you see is what you get. He says what he means, and means what he says.
When I'm done camming and just in time my husband arrives and its baths and then bedtime for us three.

Today I've spent the day catching up on Big Brother, tonight's the Season Finale :(
I'm off to workout now before turning in.
My husband is at work and I'm tired and nauseous. The Buspar is kicking my ass but I'm going longer periods without taking it. I start to take it only when I feel the anxiety coming on instead of just taking it period. I'm going to try it for a little while longer and see what happens.
The Wellbutrin is fantastic so far, no side effects and I haven't broken down or curled up into the fetal position lately.
I'll tty all tomorrow. I had a Gatorade and a Nutrament shake today and I need to burn it off before I start over thinking the calories and possible weight gain.
I hope you all are well and please be safe.


Jenn said...

Good to hear the medications are smoothing out :-)

Mich said...

Glad you're doing better with the meds. And that is total BS about your therapist!! Healthcare is so screwed up. But it's no better anywhere else...

Your parking situation with Happy Tuesday makes me think of Paul#2.... he's always trying to hide me from his one female friend, altho idk why--he doesn't seem all that interested in her, even though she's interested in him. :/

Not shoes!! and nice purse! :)

Does It Even Matter said...

OMG your purse is Fab I love guess purses. And I'm happy to hear the Buspar is helping you and you had a good day. :)

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