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Friday, October 19, 2012

Oh lordy

Wednesday was another busy day at work, I managed to only get one asshole customer and stick in the ass didn't give me any grief whatsoever that makes two days in a row.
I'm walking home after my shift my feet are sore from standing all day and I'm lightheaded from hardly eating.
As I turn the corner on my block I see my ex pulling up in front of my building honking his horn with too much gusto.
My daughter gets out and heads up the stairs, my ex has a sour puss on so I figured he would pull off and say nothing to me.
Instead what comes out of his mouth is not what I wanted to hear at all.
My ex tells me that the Teacher will be calling me because she overheard my daughter saying she wanted to have sex with some boy.
Now this was shocking to hear because my kid doesn't even know what Sex means, she's too little for that talk yet.I can't even picture her uttering those words.
I was also skeptical because my ex has a way of twisting things around to suit him.
He says that my daughter overheard my upstairs neighbor's kid who practically lives here cus her mom just leaves all day, say that, the SEX word.
I was shocked when my ex didn't blame me for the whole thing or try to say that she learned about Sex on account of me and my boyfriend.
I saw a twinkle in his eye though that wanted so desperately to say something more, to use this as an excuse to say look at what's happened because you can't keep it in your pants every weekend.
But he couldn't of course. No, not this time.
I head inside with my daughter and call my sister immediately. My sister is practically her other mom too, she worries and wants nothing but the best for my kid.
I tell my sister the details and I can hear her mouth drop to the floor on the other end of the line.
I put her on speaker phone and sit my daughter on the couch so she can further explain.
So this is how the real story goes:

There were two boys from her classroom who at lunchtime for some reason hugged each other for a long time (*shrugs* beats the shit outta me??) my daughter said they're gonna have sex, wanna have sex or something along those lines.
The teacher heard her and asked why did she say that, my kid says she doesn't know, it's something her friend Mary (neighbor's kid) had said. This Mary girl said that she herself was having sex with some boy at her school named E.J

My daughter started crying because I had to explain that now we had problems. Sex is a word not to be uttered, only grownups can say that. As much as it breaks my heart she can't play with this Mary girl anymore.
I also told my kid about the ramifications of such a word.
Now I have to talk with the Principal and the school will even send a social worker to my home.
I told my kid that all kinds of uncomfortable questions will be asked and we will be judged on how we live, if for some reason the social worker doesn't like any of it, my kid may have to be taken away from me, not even her dad could get her, if that's the worse case scenario.

As I'm telling my daughter this, she is clawing at her skin, her eczema is out of control, I've spent so much money trying to find ways to settle this flare up but to no avail. It's spread everywhere.
Her skin is dry and cracked and she scratches at it until it bleeds.
She has a weird insurance just like me, and these clinics here don't take it.
I call my ex and tell him that he needs to help me out.
I tell him that I will be taking her to the nearest Hospital's emergency room so someone can help us. I don't care how much it costs, those fuckers will just have to bill me!
I tell my ex that he needs to help me, he waits for me to do it all, school projects, hospital visits, anything and everything. I tell him that I work too now and that's no longer an excuse. He has to take her and do these things too.
He's pretty quiet on the other end but agrees sort of.

Later on in the evening I head upstairs to talk to Mary's mother.
I call her out in the Hallway because she has a Silverback Gorilla in her living room being nosey, this ape even pokes her head out in the hallway. I look at her aggravated wanting privacy, she leaves us alone.
I explain the whole thing to her Mom and of course her kid denies it all.
The only thing her mother can say is sorry and that her daughter knows about SEX because she's explained it to her.

I head back downstairs and it's early to bed. Tomorrow the Hospital.
I wake up late and dress quickly, I wake my kid up too.
It's raining out, I call a cab to take us there, the trip cost me $15..

At the Hospital it's cold, lately I've been freezing all the time, if I could get away with wearing both a scarf and mittens to work then I would.
I was bundled up plenty but nothing keeps me warm these days.

The tips of my fingers are purple at work. I try not to even make contact with co workers or customers, I'm embarrassed to be an icicle.
Being so cold all the time is not normal.
I get so cold at work I start to pray to God that time goes by quickly so I can head home and warm up.
What can happen if I get real cold?
Do I go into some kind of shock?
Has anyone else ever gone through this before?


I was taken care of quickly. My daughter and I head inside after her vitals are taken and all the necessary paper work is filled out.
We wait in Room 5, the nurse on staff "Peter" puts the Disney channel and my daughter is like a moth to a flame.


I think I may need to put cable on in my house.
Her Dr. comes in shortly and I almost come myself because Holy Shit this man is gorgeous!
He's Hispanic, with one of those accents that is all confusing but sounds like harps playing to me lol.
Dark hair and dark eyes, ooh my favorite.
He's saying all kinds of medical jargon but I don't care, I nod my head otherwise.
My kid is going to be okay. Real meds are prescribed and she will be cured shortly. A dermatologist appointment is made for Monday of next week even, they want to help her get better. My kid doesn't want to leave the Hospital room because well Cable!
As we leave scripts and school note in hand I start to pray this doesn't cost too much.
Instead of taking a cab straight home I decide we should walk a few blocks down and catch the "Jitney."



The "Jitney" is basically a van converted into public transit. For a mere $1.25 you can ride certain parts of this great city.
I live near Downtown Miami, and most Jitneys stop there, it's their last stop actually.
We board the make shift bus.
It's crowded and smelly, the driver has AM radio blasting with some radio station about Haiti. My kid loves any new experience, this is not new to me.
I couldn't wait to get off this thing.
To get off you shout at the driver "Here!" and so he pulls over in the middle of traffic and out you go.
Once we arrive Downtown, my daughter and I walk a few blocks back up to my job.

I don't like to be anywhere near my job once I'm off but here I was dropping off meds.
Elton John greets me, all too happy even.
He's not too annoying, just messy. He's kinda cute even in that I didn't shave and have bed hair sort of way lol.
His raspy voice asks me what I'm doing on the other other side of the Pharmacy??
My sweet Manager asks me if I want to work, they are understaffed on Thursday, a part of me wishes I could help them out.
I make a mental note of it, I'll ask later if I can work Thursday mornings.
No stick in the Ass on Thursdays even..

My daughter and I wander around the store looking at Costumes and things, she likes several ones that are just too small.
My daughter has 2 scripts to get filled, the second is an OTC (over the counter) med, it's Claratin, an antihistamine. It's $48.
Once her med is ready, the sticker price for ten measly pills she has to take 2x a day for five days.. $125 without insurance.
Wow.
Looks like those extra $300 I was recently blessed with served their purpose.

At home I call my Ex, I work Monday and can't take her to her Dermatologist app.
He has to do it.
Oh lord.
My ex starts making excuses that he doesn't know where or what to do, I basically tell him to please figure it out, she needs this.
I pray he can put his big boy pants on and do this. Please Ex husband, be a dad and even put yourself in my shoes. It's not easy to do what I do, but here I am, Anxiety, eating Disorder, Depression, somehow I make it all work out.
I try.
I do what I must, there is no one to come along and relieve me of my post or duties. I'm a MOM 24/7. I have no Parents to help me, no useful Ex, no siblings..
It's just me doing it all, pulling shit outta my ass, making it all work.
Talk about me all you can, make fun of my Ed, me, my looks, my intelligence;
 but there's one thing you can NEVER say, that I don't bust my ass for this little family of mines.
When it comes down to it all I make it happen.
I'm proud of that.

My kid takes her meds today and hasn't scratched all day.
We walk around after the sun goes down and head to another CVS. My kid finds her Halloween costume there, she will be a Bee.
At home we try it on and it's really snug, lol she looks like the little bee girl from Blind Melon's "No Rain" video.


My kid has gained some weight since being with her dad, I hate that the Ed part of me wants to come down on her and Boot Camp this weight off of her, instead I say nothing and try to restrict her intake little by little.
Ugh, this makes me feel like a Horrible Mom. I don't know if any of you have kids and Ed's, do you find yourself in this same position, freaking out about your kid's weight?

Anyways, tomorrow is another regular day I hope.
I've taken laxatives tonight and haven't had anything but two shakes.

I'm hating my weight and self as usual.
My period came on which is confirmation I'm not knocked up.
A part of me is relived of course, I can't possibly have another kid now, but of course there's that side of me that wishes I was..oh well, everything in it's due time.

I can't stop listening to David Guetta ft. Sia's "Titanium".
What beautiful lyrics..
I love this song..it's me in a nutshell.
"Shoot me down, but I won't fall, I am Titanium".



Nite!
Love you all.




2 comments:

Peridot (G+P) said...

Oh no! *Hides head* Oh man I am so NOT looking forward to awkward conversations with my nephews and nieces in the next 5 years or so! D: Do you think I could avoid them by throwing the 'where babies come from' book on their shelves now? It tells you all about flowers, then chickens, then puppies, then a VERY glossed-over version of human babies. You parents have one tough job! D:

I hope everything goes well with the evaluation person. Talk about a bloody over-reaction! Geeze!

I hope that douchecannon gets off his ass and starts acting like a Dad! So not happy with him right now.

I'm so glad that they managed to get something for her eczema. It sounds bloody awful. Makes me glad hayfever itching is only in one place! I hope the tests can isolate what causes her to flare up so badly. Is the Ex's house clean enough? *Is clueless about eczema*

Jitneys sound like a cruel and unusual punishment. Handy, but awful at the same time.

The Little Bee Girl was my favourite. Don't let Ed unleash on her, try to teach her all the 'good habits' we should be doing instead of letting Ed pass on his marching orders. Balanced meal choices, fun forms of exercise, treats in moderation and all that jazz. I'm sure there will be web resources out there or forum where you could find other parents in the same boat to talk to. My Mum gave the impression that girls should live on cigarettes, black tea and 1/3rd of whatever dinner portion she'd served her husband -.-

ZOMG MORE SIA! *Flails* I swear there is a black hole called iTunes that keeps sucking any spare fund I have out of my bank account. Blargh.

Sending you lots of love and good luck vibes for the weeks ahead <3

Nasimiyu said...

I have awful eczema too. You've probably already tried this but shea butter (or cocoa butter) really helps keep the itching down for me.

Also, if her eczema is severe, the claritin may not work (it doesn't for me) and she may need a stronger antihistamine. Claritin is like 2nd generation or something, and usually the newer stuff e.g. zyrtec works better. Ask for the generic brands too as they cost far less and work just as well (true story, I used the CVS brand of zyrtec for a while before it stopped working because I desensitized, and now I'm on Walmart's version of allegra)