I think I need to see a Dr.
It hurts to walk or lay still or anything.
I hope it's not surgery or bone loss or who knows what else. I hate hospitals.
Monday was spent sleeping in and watching movies. I cooked ground beef and white rice. B/p on that twice. Was too weak to workout plus the knee did me in.
Tuesday was the day to shop. Christmas presents for my daughter.
We went Downtown and got her a few things, what we could get with limited means. I'm not getting anything for Christmas I suspect, oh well I'm used to it. As long as my daughter is happy the rest doesn't matter.
I hate these type of gift giving holidays, makes the loneliness more felt. Reminds me that I have no one here that cares about me.
I'm lonely. I miss having someone to share things with. I miss laughing and making someone smile. I miss having someone go crazy for me and tell me they miss me..
After the drive back home my husband decides to eat at Checkers. I hadn't eaten all day or b/p. I thought I could eat something and try to keep it down. A burger and fries, maybe an ice cream cone too. I thought having actual food in me would help my metabolism and give me that much needed energy I've been lacking..
That was the idea..I almost made it too.
Walking around full of food was too painful. It had me hunched over in pain. My back was cramping up and I was having spasms. I tried my best, I really wanted to keep it down but I couldn't. My body was rejecting the foreign matter.
At home I had to purge.
Eating a normal meal may never happen with me again. I can't remember when is the last time I actually sat down and ate at a table without running to the bathroom afterwards. When was the last time I actually ate a proper meal, not a shake or water or candy, but food, actual stuff that you see suggested in the Food Group Pyramid?
Food. What a pain.
So today I had to cook a Roasted Pork Shoulder, my husband entered me in some cook off at his job, the prize being 100$ gift card.
I got up at 6am to cook this, by 3pm it was done and I had managed to stay in bed all that time. I avoided hunger pains and breakfast.
I thought my chances at winning were going to be good.
My husband gets home at 1am and tells me that I lost. He then proceeds to give me gift certificates for free food at the Olive Garden.
I'm pissed, I told him to never bother me again with any kinda anything. I blew 20$ on a pork shoulder to feed other people and got nothing for my troubles. I could have saved that money and put it towards our own Christmas dinner.
I feel foolish. I don't know why this is bothering me so much.
Tonight is about playing the fool.
Happy Tuesday got me good too.
Our conversation got fresh and he did what all men do which is roll over and fall asleep after orgasms. I guess it was my fault as usual, sent him and a whole slew of people Christmas cards yesterday, Happy Tuesday's had a lil gift in there, apparently he wanted a souvenir from me, G-Strings awaaaay!
Well I should go to bed.
Have b/p 2x today and my weight has ballooned back to 108.6..
I got invited to a birthday party tomorrow night, will stop by for a few.
They are also inviting me to Fat Tuesday for drinks, I can't go have no sitter, money, designated driver. I suck.
No eating tomorrow!
If I can't lose weight then what good am I? Just another blimp on the map I suppose.
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