Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Abnormal activity

Monday I decided to actually venture out of the house.
I started my day after dropping my daughter off at school to a trip to Starbucks.

I took my laptop and sat in the crowded cafe and ordered a tall Cappuccino and caught up on my novel and doodled scribbled notes.

Notebook Doodles Pictures
Okay I was a little distracted at first LOL..but eventually got down to business..
I've missed my characters..feels good to get back into the old routine. I hope it takes up my time again.

My husband and I still aren't talking to one another, there is a thick tension in this house and I can't stand it.
I feel down and depressive. My attitude stinks and I don't care about stopping b/p cycle today. I'm still at 110lbs and want it lower. I miss being dainty looking, thin and untouchable. I miss the looks and the confidence I got from being small. I need to weigh less.
After Starbucks I took myself to the movies. Wish I had company but being alone is better than being accompanied by misery.

Yes I actually went all by myself to see this..
Well what can I say?
It had it's moments of making you jump here and there but for the most part the story line was a huge disappointment for me. The only highlight of my movie experience was all of the overpriced concession stand junk food that I was binging on, followed by a very long purging session in the handicapped stall in the woman's restroom.
The popcorn hurt.
I head to Walmart afterwards and get something to cook for dinner. I want to keep b/p today not to mention get drunk.
At home it's still awkward, my husband is acting like a giant child.
The Boy is off today and keeping me company. He's looking forward to my visit. Says he can't wait to lay next to me in bed at night and hold me. That sounds nice. I miss affection.
When dinner is done and I've purged, I decide to workout.
I can only manage 400 calories before my legs and arms weaken on me and my breathing gets heavy.
My vision is so blurry today. I lay down on the bed and try to calm down. I can't muster any energy to finish the workout. I feel like a fat failure.
I shower and pray that I don't gain tonight.
The drinking starts an hour later and Happy Tuesday pops up after being M.I.A for two days. Today is his roommate/ex-girlfriend's birthday. I'm surprised he's talking to me at all on account of that fact.
I'm really drunk by this point and I'm biting my tongue holding back sarcastic remarks and the need to bitch at him.
His roommate/whatever the fuck that fat whore is has recently done something I found quite odd borderline stalker type behavior..
You see this is my display pic for my Yahoo Messenger, its also on my FB, but those pics are private so no one can see them. Anyways now she has changed her Twitter and FB pic to something similar to mines, sucking on a lollipop too!
What a fucking FAT loser. This 250lb tubby obviously has taken a gander at my pic and decided she could try to pull the ol sucking on lollipop Lolita look too-but guess what lovelies she can't.
The truth is she looks like an Ewok..(and not one of the cute ones either I'm afraid smdh)
actual photo of her..

So I resisted and avoided a fight by bringing it up. Happy Tuesday and I are going through an awkward phase now, the closer I'm getting to my trip and getting some much needed sexy time with The Boy, the more of a jealous fellow he's becoming. He's even gone so far as to tell me we won't be able to be friends anymore when I come back from my trip, why because I will have already have spent "time" with The Boy and by time he means sex. I don't know what he thinks, I'm trying to do me right now and like I've said before Happy Tuesday is NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL..
Our conversation was very civil and then he cut me off for a beer run with the Ewok telling me he'll be back in 15 minutes. So I waited and waited and guess what he's still not back. What an asshole.
I worked on my novel some more before finally succumbing to the drowsiness of alcohol and prescription medications thus blacking out.
Today my husband has finally broken his silence and even took my daughter to school. I called my shrink and cancelled our session-I'm hungover..
B/px1 already today.
Life goes on for Lolita, more after this quick message from our sponsors..