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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Eh what's up doc?

I have a parent/teacher meeting this morning at 7:45, afterwards it's the dreaded clinic.
I'm up at six and feeling a little better, no let me rephrase that, I'm nervous and anxious which has replaced the ED bullcrap chatter.
After my shower I wake my kid up and we get the morning routine going. My husband hung over crawls out of bed at 7:30 and reeks of alcohol.
A few people have told him already to slow down with the drinking, he does it everyday now. I know alcohol is very difficult to stop, but he can try at least to cut back.

My daughter's teacher is actually nice today, she usually has this pissed look about her, makes it hard to approach her because you just don't know what she'll say in return. That wasn't the case today.
She tells both my husband and I something we didn't want to hear..
She said that ever since my daughter got back from Christmas break her demeanor has completely changed.
"It's like she's a whole other kid, I don't know what happened? Her average in my class has dropped down 16%"
My daughter is a wiz at Math, Science and Art.
It's Reading and Writing she's flunking in.
The teacher knows she's smart and it's not that she doesn't know how to do the work, the teacher thinks it's an attitude thing.
"Your daughter knows how to spell and write out sentences, but refuses to read or flunks tests with Reading, but she knows how to read.."
She goes on to say that usually if a kid doesn't know the material it would be obvious, if you can't read, you can't spell let alone write full legible sentences.
So the problem is that my kid is too distracted, and all she wants to do is play.
My kid's enrolled in tutoring, and now the teacher says she will work out a lesson plan for my kid to try her best to reach her and see if they can turn things around.

This move is going to help us all.
My daughter is distracted. I know why.
Whenever my husband is around all my kid wants to do is play, nothing else. He acts more like her friend than her dad.
When she's with me we'll have our play time too, but mostly it's all business.
I'm her Mom and there are things and ways that are a must. You can't let a kid call the shots or you'll just create a little monster.
Sorry not on my watch. I know once it will be just she and I living alone at the new apartment things will get straightened out. She'll only have to deal with my Husband two maybe three days tops. I'll have full custody of her.
Things are going to be different from now on. I'll make sure all this "distraction" gets sorted out.

After the meeting my husband is pissy. I'm sure he blames me for it all.
He's also pissed he has to keep painting. He suggests I drop him off at the new place while I go to my appointment, he'll finish up. I see he his half asleep and cranky, so I suggest breakfast and coffee, I have thirty minutes to spare.
I drop him off and head to the closest thing to me Mcdonalds..
So I'm thinking that I'll have some breakfast too. I'm really nervous and want to be 100% for my appointment.



Yes I actually ate this. I got us both those Bacon Egg things..
I'm sure it's a bazillion calories but I ate it slowly and drank coffee which wasn't all that, blech their coffee stinks-Mc Cafe my ass!
I guess I'm just spoiled, this American runs on Dunkin.
I leave the Mrs at home and head out.
The clinic is a little bit empty this morning.


I'm ushered in to sit and wait.
Then I'm actually weighed.
Good God is that how much I weigh!
Here's Eddy!
"GET IT OFF NOW GIRLIE!!"

Next comes the blood pressure machine.
The nurse says my bp reading is a little low.



Of course it would be, I'm sure a lot of things minus my weight are low.
I haven't taken supplements in a few weeks now because I'm out of everything. I'm really curious now to know what my levels are..

So the reason for my visit is my knee.
I didn't know what to wear. I own too many skinny jeans, baggy trousers?
I don't own any *shrugs*
I managed to find a something finally, had to dig deep in all my mess.



The doc comes in and here we go.
First we hash out what's in my charts.
My weight is lower from the last visit. My current weight is none better.
"Don't get below 105lbs, for your height that wouldn't be ideal. Plus the lower you weigh, the harder your body has to work.."
He suggest that I maintain at 115lbs. He doesn't like 110, or 108 which are okay maintaining weights for me..sometimes.
He asks why the sudden drop, I tell him I'm eating less because my Depression comes and goes, and in all honesty I'm stressed out.
"Keep taking your meds, you need to even out your Serotonin levels."
I agree, skipping Meds doesn't help me.

Now the fun starts-the Examination.
Oh boy do I not like to be touched.
Everything he did felt inappropriate.
The lifting of my shirt, the breast exam, the hand down my lower back massaging my spine. Everything felt wrong.
My old shrink asked me once, "What would happen if for example the Dr. did touch you in a really inappropriate manner, what would you do, tell or stay quiet?"
I said I would stay quiet. I wouldn't tell on him. I'd just take it.


The problem is me.
I have a problem with trusting any Man, I can't help it.
I've had two Men put their penis in me without my consent, once that kinda thing happens to you, you change. Abuse does things to you.
The examination is done, and now come some conclusions.
My knee is inflamed, he gives me an RX for that. If my knee continues to pester me than we're going to go the Orthopedic way and see what comes out of that.
I tell the doc about my eating, how awful I feel afterwards.
He gives me an RX for that too. Maybe it will help and make this whole eating Food business more tolerable.
I tell him about getting blood work done, the doc says okay but is curious what my reason would be to request that.
I lie and tell him that I think I may be anemic because I'm so tired all the time.
He says it could be a possibility but to not forget that I'm also suffer from Depression and those symptoms go hand in hand with that illness.
So Blood work is on the Menu for tomorrow at 9am.


By the time I get back to my new place my husband is almost done and it's almost time to get my kid from school.
I decide to pick her up today on foot instead of driving. The weather here is nice today, it's still rainy and gloomy and that's my idea of Heaven.
The walk is nice and distracting from ED. On walks I think about everything and nothing all at once, plus it's exercise-gotta burn off breakfast.
I'm still too early for school so I walk a little further to CVS to drop off my prescription.
Guess what happens next?
I was fiddling with my phone and I hear my name called, when I look up I see none other than my daughter's Godmama behind the pharmacy counter, she is pure excitement.
Hey!
"Stay right there, I was just talking about you!"
I wait for her while my Rx gets filled.
She introduces me to the Pharmacy Manager and I have a mini job interview right there.
The Manager says he'll review my resume and online application and call me.
On my way home from picking up my daughter, her Godmama calls me to tell me that the Manager thinks I have a very upbeat personality. I made a good first impression..

I almost cry with surprise. I never think I do, I always feel so awkward.
I didn't tell my Husband about the possible job hire. I know he'd find a way to sabotage it for me. I won't say a word until its all legit and I'm on an actual work schedule.
So now I'm just packing up some stuff and then it's early to bed.
I have labs tomorrow.

Oh to Jenn..
Yeah sweetie I am going to live alone with my daughter, and you're not prying at all.
 I'd love to be a text buddy. I hope you're doing well and as for the b/p, you'll get there too, you'll be able to make it more than one day I just know it.

Okay I'm off.
Nite all!

2 comments:

Dani said...

wow i missed alot that what happens wheni disppear sorry about that
at least ur doc cares i weighed in a 98 at 5'5 at my doc befire and he just told me not to lose more noone suspects an ed casue my stomach a mess

Jenn said...

just having you tell me that gives me the biggest confidence boost I hope you know that. Thank you!!!! and text me so I have your number I promise I won't say mean triggering things :-)