House

Last night was amazing.
My daughter and husband both knocked out early, my daughter from sheer exhaustion and my husband from too many whiskeys.
I stayed up with Merlot in tow and actually went to work on my novel.
It was the best company I've had in months.
I've missed my characters so much.
I rehashed Chapter 5 and actually decided on a question that I couldn't quite answer before.
I have three main Characters, Cristina, Oliver and Bo.
There was always a divide between both men, some days I would love Ollie immensely, other days Bo.
Last night I don't know why, I suddenly felt very protective of Bo and realized I had been giving him the short end of the stick.
Why?
I was fed up with myself, he didn't deserve it, I want to change his story around.
So in the great debate of Team Ollie or Team Bo-I Choose Bo.
I feel good, I've made the right decision and I can't wait to get back to my story and get started on Chapter 6 with my Bo in the lead.
I will leave you with one more detail about my Novel which makes me laugh when I think of the coincidence.
There's an actual restaurant in my story called..."Peridot."
 It's named after the birthstone.
No relation to the gorgeous Kiwi Fruit we all love so much.


This morning and I'm a little hungover.
I go weigh and sigh heavily, why did I weigh?
This number does not make me happy.
I'm nervous and now anxious.
My meds are gobbled up, I shower and have a good cry. I want to be okay with this weight but it's hard. I have no choice in the matter the damage is done.
Day 35 here we go.
It's raining outside, the rain helps settle down my nerves. I also take it as a sign that everything will be okay.

My kid is dropped off at school and I'm headed to Child Support for a printout.
It's 8:45 and I've called the Clinic to reschedule my appointment.
The Dr. can see me as soon as Wednesday, same time.

The metal detectors always make me nervous, I'm not packing a weapon, but I feel so guilty going through it as though I were concealing something. My purse takes a ride on a conveyor belt going through black plastic rubber curtains and I await it on the other side.
My purse is searched.
This new purse of mines is rather large, I actually thought having a larger purse would help me find things quicker when in reality it did the opposite, I have even more space for extra crap.
I have spare batteries for my Flip camera, my Flip as well. A camera because it's my third eye, cell phone, change galore scattered all about. These are things that made the detector beep.
The rather large woman with a bad perm keeps digging in my purse for hidden items, and she finds them; I've forgotten all about the chargers.
She pulls out my stash of Airheads. I smile wide and so does she.
"That's a big bag of candy, all that for you?" she eyes me up and down.
Yeah, my sugar gets low sometimes, I find it's easier to always have candy with me just in case. I offer her one along with the two security guards and the other guard who monitors the Conveyor belt. My sugary sweets are passed around and I've somehow managed to share a moment with four people in an instant.

The 18th floor is my next stop. The elevator opens and three of the cutest cops come out. The second police officer of the three gives me a double take and holds the elevator door for me. He's tall, and has the most stunning smile I've seen yet. His eyes are dark brown and so is his very thick short curly hair.
I sheepishly say Hello in return and our brief flirtation ends there.
"You have a very good day." He winks and flashes a wide smile.
What is it about a man in a uniform?
I would be so lucky if I actually ended up with a decent hardworking man like that. Oh well, let's see what the future holds for me, stranger things have happened.
The printout is done and I have five dollars less to my name.
I have ten minutes to make it to the building next door where my fate lies in someone Else's paperwork.

In the lobby and my favorite security guard is present.
"Well look who it is, hey sexy lady."
I have to laugh. My ID is legendary.
I ask her how her diet is going since the New Year has started, she wanted to drop 15 or so pounds, I forget.
"It's okay, I haven't lost much, maybe five pounds but I drink Green Tea and it helps."
That's nice dear. I eye the clock, I have no time for chit chat.
I'm headed to the 8th floor now.
I'm just in time for my appointment with three minutes to spare.

I have all my paperwork in order.
My case worker is a sweetheart, everything is going my way. My rent amount is determined and it's perfect.
"How soon can you move in?" My case worker asks.
I can move in as soon as possible.
"Okay then Today it is." She stamps my paperwork and I'm done.
I don't smile yet, I'm trying to contain myself.
When I'm finally out the door I smile wide and let the now sprinkling rain soak my hair and face. It feels like a glorious day. I thank my God and head to my little car.
On the way back home and my husband is mad. We start to argue and he makes that face that I've grown to actually fear. I put my hands up and guard my face in fear that he may actually hit me. I even thought about opening the door and falling out in the event he did try something. Instead he takes his frustration out on my steering wheel.
He's not happy for me, I suddenly cancel out all the nice things he's said to me about helping me move and paint.
"I have to hustle too now, I don't want to end up living under a bridge!"
What a selfish prick. My last words to him were you'll be okay, you have a full time paying job, why would you have any problems?
How quickly he forgets when I actually lived like that. In a car with a two year old. Eating groceries when I could afford any from the dollar store, or bathing in a public restroom sink. Wearing the same clothes repeatedly, feeling like shit and plotting the details of your own suicide because you feel like an utter failure.
I remember telling my youngest brother that in the event I botch my suicide, at least they would find me mentally incompetent and thus lock me away somewhere.
I drop my husband off home and head to see my Slumlord. She's actually sad to hear that I will no longer be living there, but I've given her notice and so I'm allowed till the end of this month to move out.
My husband is suddenly in a better mood hearing this news.
The man is nuts.
The rest of the day is about signing papers and driving around getting my new place in order.
We pick my daughter up from school and she doesn't feel too well.
At Home Depot is where I need to go, have to paint first before moving any furniture in.

My daughter complains of a stomach ache and actually throws up inside Home Depot.
We can't paint tonight, I have to take her home and play nursemaid.

She feels better now after medicine was administered. I even shelled out thirty dollars for Eczema cream since she's had a flare up today.

A mom's job is endless.

In all my frenzy today all I've had is a shake and coffee.

I feel fat and triggered but exhausted overall.
I spoke a little with my sister who is so happy for me. Webcams always make any conversation 100x better..

I hope tomorrow will be better.

I'm going to soak in a tub now then soak my liver in cheap sweet wine.

Before and after Pic post tomorrow perhaps?

Goodnight all.