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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

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                                                                                                                                       Mood:Groggy
Yesterday was awful. I slept the day away and managed to avoid it all.
I wake up this morning to a loud alarm clock buzzing in the cold darkness of the room.
My head is pounding and my eyes wanna close on me.
The effects of the muscle relaxers still linger..the cats follow me to the bathroom where I sigh before weighing.
110.6, hmm I think my weight is trying to go back up. Well 112lbs was okay, I didn't jump out of any windows then. My stomach looks bloated today, that's what I get for b/p on Sunday, or maybe it's my period that happened to jump in on the Let's kick Lou while she's down parade yesterday.
Yesterday no Mia and today definitely no doing that!
I have to see Dr. for new meds and my shrink, I need to vent to her. She is my sane voice.
After getting my kid up and dressed for school I head downstairs to my husband's car.
His back tire is really low on air, this is the same tire that has been low on air for the past two months, the same one he refuses to change.
Great.
I drive my daughter to school very slowly.
On the way back home, the car is dragging, by the time I park it's completely flat.
I go home and wake my husband up, I jump in the shower and get ready for my app.
After I dress and it's nearly time to go hubby is still asleep.
I wake him up again for what seems to be the third time today and he looks mad, he wants to keep sleeping.
I'm supposed to arrive 15min prior to my appointment to register at the front check desk, I can't be late or I'll get bumped to last.
Hubby makes me late.
Downstairs and he gets really pissed at the sight of a flat tire. I feel like crying, I'm late and I feel like this is all my fault. I feel like such a burden.
He drives slowly to the tire shop down the block, he wants to patch the flat.
I have 60$ stashed in my purse, I pull out a twenty and hand it to him.
JUST CHANGE THE TIRE!
He takes the money and finally does just that.
I look down at my watch and 15 minute registration window is passing me by. I'm officially late.
I'm dropped off and the commotion begins, the place is packed and of course I'm scolded for being late and bumped to the bottom of the list.
I wait and wait for a complete hour, my Shrink calls me from her office and I explain. She says she'll see me next week, she's booked and can't wait on me today.
Fuck!

My head is pounding and I'm getting anxious.
Finally Noon rolls around and in the downstairs waiting room I try to find ways to entertain myself.
I take notice of the odd floor tile, why oh why is there random tiles leading to nothing?



After about ten minutes of this I hear a little bell chiming in the distance.
Oh no Empanada Man!
The people Flock to him waving bills at him like he's an Ice Cream truck..
The smell is overwhelming.
I stayed glued to my chair clutching the armrest. I don not want..I do not want...I am not Hungry for deep fried crunchy sweet or salty filled pastries..

Like Moths to the Pastry Flames
The Devil counting his booty
The room gets quiet and everyone munches on

I resist the Empanada Man's Siren song and manage to distract myself with texting.
After 15 more minutes I'm called in to see my Dr.
Lexapro is discontinued and he thinks Wellbutrin will help me.
I am both delighted and scared shitless at the same time.
I could both A) have a medication that both works and hey maybe can decrease appetite even.
                   B) have adverse bad reaction, possible SEIZURES even if I don't curb Mia officially.
I think I'll be hopeful.
Finally I fill my meds and head home.
I'm tired and am now eating some Nuts and having coffee before working out.
I'll try the new Medication tomorrow first thing in the morning.



I really hope this time something works for me.
I can't break my head open and worry about things that haven't happened yet or may never will. I have to trust that God will take me in the right direction, whatever that may be.
I don't plan to b/p anyways, I don't wanna go back to that, I will always fight to stop Mia.
So although I feel tired and worn out today, I know that things are going to get better. They have to.
So that's my Tuesday,
I hope you guys are all okay, hang in there and keep fighting for those goals.
Gonna leave you with my favorite quote from the Gorgeous Audrey Hepburn..



"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn

5 comments:

Peridot (G+P) said...

fucking.

asshole.

*Snugglehugsglomp*

Almost.Skinny said...

The bloat will go away, nice work avoiding the empanada man! you're stronger than you give yourself credit for my dear. I hope the new pills work for you but please stay safe!
You can do this- keep fighting hun xxx

Moonlight Mistress said...

Did you ever find out any news on your brother?


~MLM

Jenn said...

that Audry quote is rad.

Wellbutrin will totally work you're going to like it I promise

Dani said...

lucky u that u get meds i cant get any an delucky that u have some1 to talk to i tried to find therapist cant afford it insurance doesnt cover mental health issues thats stupid america
hope ur doign ok hun