No one said it was easy

I'm still here.
Today is by far the worst with my ED, holy shit is it bad.
I think my period is on? I don't really know if that's what it is, the only other time I've had a flow this light was before I had my daughter when I was at my lowest weight ever, right before I stopped having periods altogether.
I ate again today, I feel like crap now.
I'm so bloated, my digestion is awful.
The kidney pains are gone. My knee doesn't even hurt today, at least that's good news. My weight is still the same although I swear I feel like I'm slowly expanding by the minute.
I'm still keeping to myself, I just feel like I have nothing whatsoever to say to anyone. Plus no one really likes me when I get all negative like this, I can be a bit much, so I don't want to annoy anyone.
I know everyone means well and I appreciate what you all say attempting to cheer me up.
Its this ED, I feel like I'm drowning.

I just have to make the most of the day and try my hardest to learn to live myself. Like it or not I have to make this body of mines work.

I'll try to be a little more social tomorrow, I don't like cold shoulders and that's what I'm doing. It's not fair to anyone I care about to be this selfish regardless.


I wanted to distract myself because I was really triggered earlier and felt so sure today day 27 was the day I would finally cave and really binge..
I went on Craig's List just to humor myself. I hate looking at furniture because I'm still stuck here and what would I do if I actually saw something I really wanted, where would I stick it?
I did this very thing anyways.
I emailed someone who was giving away IKEA goods. I love IKEA!
I honestly didn't think he would respond so fast but there it was.
Free furniture and a reply asking how soon can you take it off my hands?
I called my husband who was at the park with my kid and he said sure let's go get it, free is free and you're gonna need all you can.
So my little yellow bug actually fit all that in it. I shook my head in disbelief, I think my car is 1/3 clown car.

An IKEA desk, bookcase and 2 chairs.
This was the highlight of my day.
My apartment looks like an episode of Hoarders, there is stuff everywhere. I still have loads to keep dumping.
My daughter was so excited, she can't wait to move and decorate her room.
Neither can I.
I hope my appointment comes this week. I'm ready to get this show on the road.
My mechanic postponed my car repair for tomorrow morning. What a hassle.

I'm gonna watch a little T.V with the Mrs. then get back to my book..
Goodnite all!

P.s
To Peridot you and your blog are not at all triggering to me sweetie, as a matter of fact reading any blogs don't trigger me.
We all the right to write what we please, it is after all our blogs and we should be able to vent when we want.
So ((hugs)) to you all for writing still. There are a lot of Bloggers who've gone missing and I think it's disappointing but everyone has their reasons.
In any case keep writing and I'll keep reading.
<3