Thursday, March 22, 2012

Damage Control

Last night was awful, the lax had me up all night.
As if that weren't fun enough my period comes on to join the cramps pajama party.
I slept 2 hrs tops.
This morning I don't want to get out of bed, I am so tired I actually contemplate my daughter staying home from school.
My daughter slept in my bed last night, she looked sad still. I caught her staring at herself in the mirror a lot yesterday. That scares me, she is aware of how she looks. That could be bad with the wrong kinda thinking.

My head is pounding like a drum and I force myself to get up once more and shower.
The hot scolding water feels good, I don't care that I'm slowly getting pinkish with each minute. I have bad case of the chills and nothing is warming me up.
I hop on the scale and weigh and there it is, gain.

After I dress its time to wake my daughter up for school, after a few tries she's up.
The minute I lay eyes on her new "haircut" the anger and sadness starts again.
*Deep sigh*
I want to kill my ex.
My daughter showers, dresses and eats English muffins with strawberry preserves while I think of ways to wake up further. I have no ready made shake here and I can't work a blender in this state.
Her hair is in a bun and I slick with gel and hairspray the remnants on what once was a bang and top off with a headband. Tomorrow when I get my CS deposit, I'll set aside a Headband Emergency fund.
In addition to the bad haircut, my ex let my daughter's eczema flare up. He wasn't on top of the prevention part and her little arms and legs are cracked and scabbed over with blood. I have to now fix it all.
Damage Control indeed.
Should I drive her to school? maybe not, need to save my gas.
We walk, I need to burn calories.
My daughter is very quiet this morning, on our walks we chat and joke around or talk about things we'd like to do in the future, not this morning. My eyes are very glossy on the whole walk to school.
I try to sleep some when I get back home, I manage two extra hours, my sleep is riddled with nightmares.
I would be b/p by now but I feel too sick and tired.
I'm not going to today, I feel confident that it will not happen.
I have to workout a lot today instead and later tonight I'll try to write some if I can't sleep again.
My husband hasn't called to even apologize to me for being out of line. I think he won't either.
I get little bad glimpses of him getting really drunk and being in a self loathing state. Despite it all I hope he's okay. He is after all my daughter's father and the man I've know for half my life.
I wish he would just rationally tell me what on Earth was going through his head.
Or at least give me the I got abducted by Aliens or Body Snatcher excuse.

No b/p so far and definitely no more laxatives.

 My first smile of the day, thanks to..

The DarkTower Series:The Wind Through the Keyhole - on sale April 24th



Peridot (G+P) said...

It's not nice, but I am kinda hoping that aliens abduct him and give him a prostate exam with a really nasty cold probe. What on earth is his excuse for being such an asshole to you guys??

My old flatmates were obsessed with that series too :p I think it's the only books that went tot he North Island with them, the rest are in storage!

Arohanui <3