Thursday, April 26, 2012

Mail Tiiiiime!

Right now I do not feel well, but I'm going to try to make a decent post.

The beautiful blogger désespérée de maigrir has sent me another package in the mail today, I was just about to shower when suddenly there was a knock at my door, it's the mailman with not one but two boxes for me.
The first was the box this wonderful fellow blogger has sent me filled with clothes, school supplies and books, I loved everything btw..
The clothes are nice and my size, the school supplies my daughter just adored, she can't wait to paint me a picture tomorrow. The books of course *drools with literary delight* were wonderful, I <3 Julie and Julia, I had read half of that book already, I checked it out from the local library once along with "High on Arrival" by Mackenzie Phiilips-you must read that! so good *mmm bestseller, drools*
I'm looking forward to re-reading it and actually finishing it.
 I can't get enough of the printed word.
I think I would have liked to been a book editor, I can only imagine how amazing it is to get all of these wonderful manuscripts and review them , each one with the capacity to be great and reach readers out there one day.
I loved everything you sent to me sweetie, God bless you.
I know you've been having a hard time lately and I wish you get better, things will turn around soon enough for you, you're selfless and that my beautiful friend never goes unnoticed.
Once again THANK YOU.

The second box is from my British bloke Perry.
I wasn't expecting anything in the post from him, but he never ceases to surprise me.
He sent me a framed print of London (I loved it, and hope to visit one day.) and a book as well,  "The Wind in the Willows" by  Kenneth Grahame. This was his favorite story as a child.
The book is for my daughter, it's an old favorite of mines too. I can't wait to read this to her. If you've never read it before... please do.

Now for surprise #2..oh Perry lol..
He and I have similar taste in music, well hell a lot of things in common, but one night we were discussing artist we fancied, I made the mistake of admitting to liking a song or two from the group Aqua (no judgements!!)
Well what have I now in my possession?

Real cute you Tosser..
Anyways, the packages were very nice, Thank you once again.
Big Kisses from me :)

Now for an update.
Yesterday I b/p 1x after being Ed free since Monday, the result of such a thing left me exhausted and I actually slept through the night after going to bed at say 11-ish?
Today I woke up and weighed.
I'm still maintaining, yes I've gained, I go up and down, but I'm not panicking about this weight. It could be worse but it's not.
I have to keep reminding myself of this.
I felt hungry today so I had an Ensure, fruit and crackers, not a lot by actual Meal standards but it's better than nothing.
I haven't b/p today at all and kept this meager meal down.
I feel sick now, my stomach distended from bloat, my head throbbing and a horrible case of Acid reflux.
My stomach gurgles in protest.
This is why I don't want to eat, to not feel these awful effects. The mere sound emitting from my gut is triggering. I hate it and hate others hearing it.
I can't stand feeling full.

It's late now so I'm confident that b/p anything is out the window.

I was actually thinking about Bulimia and its horrible effects.
My back tooth hurts a lot now, its hyper sensitive to the cold, so much so I brush my teeth with hot water every morning.
My hair has started to fall out by the handfuls now *sighs heavily*
I'm constantly in a state of bloat and wake up with stiff joints and headaches.
The eating disorder is weighing on me these days, I can feel the strain because I get tired more during the day now.
Since I kept food down, I've been rationalizing trying to keep food down once a day if possible. Can I do it?
I'm tired of Bulimia, real tired.

I've been having company these days that my daughter is away, it's nice to not be alone and more importantly to not do behaviors around others.
I don't want to talk about said company much as I've promised to not drag them into this blog, but I just wanted to mention this one thing.
This person wants me to get better and you know something when they're around I actually do.
It's been suggested I attend group meetings for my Ed, they'll even tag along with me.

So far where I live there aren't any, so the places that do hold meetings are a bit far away, this is discouraging I'll admit, but having someone actually there for me if I do go makes all the difference.

I've never openly talked about my Ed before, yes I write this Blog and there are some close to me that know, but to sit in a circle and say Hello I have eating issues and here they are etc etc, nope never.
What can I expect from group?
What can I expect of myself if I go down this road, my fear is failure.

It's getting late and the headache is not helping me concentrate, so I'll go now and wish you all a goodnight.
Thanks once again for my packages!


Sam said...

I think it's great that you have someone in your life that is longing for your recovery and is willing to fight alongside you to get you there. I wish you all the best in whatever you chose to do.


désespérée de maigrir said...

Hey pretty lady! I am so glade you love the package! I stuffed that box as full as I could possibly get it. Next pay check I'm going to spring for the backpack, since I know you're little one needs one of those too :) I hope you enjoy the books and your wardrobe gets a spruce up! I always love swapping clothes and almost everything I have comes second-hand from ebay, since I think its silly to pay full price for anything! (sorry, tangent)

It's really wonderful that you're not going to the spend the time that your daughter is with your ex all by yourself - I hope your headache goes away and you can have a few good days. We want you to get better too, you know. Though, it makes a big difference to have someone physically there.