Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Day 5

Today is day 5, and that means more days ahead where I have to fight off Ed.
I slept most of yesterday away when I wasn't walking around town trying to keep busy.
I stayed up all night talking to my boyfriend and distracting myself further from the thing the screams at me every minute of the day.
I made four days and then into the wee hours of the next day it became Day 5.
I make up for my nocturnal abundance by sleeping in till almost 3pm. I smile as I awake thinking of something my boyfriend said last night, he's someone who has no difficulty sleeping, he loves it lol. Lately as I've been noticing myself sleeping more, he's actually sleeping less, so my first thought was this, its the Universe's way of balancing things out, he looses sleep and I gain it.

I have nothing of importance to do today except pick up my meds which I do two hours later. It's warm out and cloudy like it wants to rain but doesn't.
When I get home, I take my meds and Miralax because I haven't had a bowel movement in a week.
The sweet neighbor down the hall who's Son is running for some kind of political chair in Miami gives me Men's clothing, she thinks my boyfriend is my Husband, I blush with embarrassment at her assumption and kindly accept the gift.
I head to the laundry to give em another washing even though they really don't need it. She reassures me that they are washed twice.
I just need to get out the house because well, if I'm home alone and I'm obviously triggered today, Bp can be avoided.
My nemesis is working today, the Evil laundromat Man, or MomJeans man is more like it.
I start the wash and read my Book which is so good by the way. I love the character  Lisbeth Salander, she is brilliant.

It's already after 6 and almost closing time, the dryers on the outside are all occupied but one, I load my clothes and pop in two quarters, the Dryer doesn't start up.
I sigh heavily because now I have to bother MomJeans man.
He is mopping the Laundromat floor and ignores my query at first before I repeat to him a second time that the dryer seems to be busted.
He reluctantly puts the mop aside before walking very slowly mind you to me.
His mom jeans make swooshing sounds as the fabric from his thighs cause friction rubbing against each other.
"Give me another quarter and I'll show you the problem." He doesn't even look at me, he just barks.
I don't have another quarter I tell him.
MomJeans man sucks his teeth and walks away as if that settled anything, I stand there astonished and my face slowly turns Crimson in perpetual anger.
There is a man folding his clothes outside witnessing our odd exchanges and he and I lock looks for a mere moment, he shakes his head and sighs heavily.
All I can do is point to the empty place where my Nemesis stood.
The kind man gives me two quarters and I try again.
The dryer starts up without fail, so this busted dryer takes three quarters instead of one or two. I would complain but they won't be fixing that anytime soon, why fix something that trumps people into more money.
I settle down, I sit on the now empty folding table and continue to read my book, I get lost in the story imagining the Characters and the gorgeous scenery that is Sweden.
I'm used to Sweden and all it's Charm thanks to my love of Trance music, aka "Basshunter."  Almost all of my youth was spent inside of one Night Club after another, there I fell in love with House, Dance, Trance, Hardstyle and Hardcore Music. To this day that doesn't change.
The good ol days where the drugs, women, men, booze and music were plentiful and where a Vibrant Lou played till the sun came up and sometimes longer.

Sorry for the Detour, but yea I have plenty of visuals for the current book.
Sweden is a beautiful Country and the book just makes me reminiscence about it all.

Finally the dryer buzzes and I'm able to go back home, after I put the clothes away I start to bake.
I have very ripe bananas that mustn't go to waste, Banana bread it is.
I've already had today a Homemade shake made with water, a bag of Cuban crackers and plenty of diet Soda, I feel full so forgo tasting the bread.
I marinate ribs and pork for tomorrow's meal that my Boyfriend and kids' will eat. I don't think I'll be having any of that.
Maybe I'll just stick to the shakes for now.
The problem is every time I eat or drink something, I become utterly aware that my weight goes up, I know it will go back down as it digests and possibly gets burned off with exercise but at the moment the opposite goes through my head.
The Miralax starts to kick in slowly and I worry about how long this will take. My period starts too. I'm both glad and mad it's on.
I'm now on day 6 as I write this, my mini goal is to make a week no bp.
Thanks to everyone who's been supportive of me, I love you and appreciate it.
My good friend I think is giving me the cold shoulder, we were trying the week of no bp together but so far she's been caving in to behaviors.
She's been talking to me less.
Normally I jump to bad conclusions, not only in Ed matters but you know something with anyone. I always assume the worst of others.
My old Therapist was teaching me to look past that, so I've taken her lesson to heart and will assume that my friend's cold shoulder is because she feels like she's triggering and doesn't want me to fail, so she'll kindly support me from afar.

So Day 6 now..
This is getting harder but I won't give up, no not yet.

Day 6, here we go.


Peridot (G+P) said...

Every day you spend some time fighting off Ed is a day you win. The act of fighting in itself slowly makes you stronger. Just like physical training. Even if you can only fight for 2mins it is infinitely superior to 0mins! Every little bit counts in the long run of this headwar.

Bwaaaahahahaha, Momjeans Man? Priceless. If I ever get to Miami I'm going to have to find this laundromat to laugh at this guy. Maybe ask stupid tourist questions to make him look like a dickhead?

What a dick! Put a "Busted" sign on the dryer or warn others not to use it. They won't fix something that makes them extra money >:( Can you drop an anonymous line to people who enforce consumer standards?

Shakes would be a good idea until your digestive system gets used to, well, digesting again. I fucking HATE seeing my weight go up after a big meal and no poop. Grrr. "This too shall pass" is as nothing to the panic!

She could feel that she doesn't want to trigger you. She could feel like she's letting you down and breaking the promise for doing behaviours when you're not. I hope she starts talking to you again soon.

*Makes notes*
-Lou likes all books except nineteen-eighty-four :p
-Knit a hippo

Do you have any suggestions for other coworker-annoying songs? I tried the Narwhal song, but Kirk started singing along D:
Weeble is awesome and narwhals rule! XD

I hope day 6 went well. Here's to beating Ed to the ground and kicking him in the balls until he passes out! (Beg pardon for how graphic that was, Battle Royale had a bad effect on me)


Moonlight Mistress said...

I'm so proud of you for making it to 6 days! I don't purge, but I do binge and I know how hard it can be to resist that urge. Sometimes it's just so strong!


Ellie Belle said...

Just a quick note to say congrats on Day 6. You should be very proud, I know how hard what you are doing is. If I can help at all, in any way pls let me know. On another note, did you know that I lived in Sweden for 3 wonderful years. We were way up North in Kiruna and parts of the movie (Swedish version NOT USA) were shot there. Sweden is lovely and I too am a big fan of alot of thier music. Hold you head high, today you are strong and can do anything

Sam said...

Excited that you have made it so far! Just be sure that you are getting somethin' in your system because you don't wanna movie from one disordered eating symptom to another.
Also congrats on the bus. You showed it who's boss and I am so proud of you. I am terrified to ride the bus and one day maybe I will, but for now I will just live vicariously through you.


Jess said...

Wow Lu , I love reading your blog and all the positive comments left . Your so good at writing . Have you ever thought writing a book of some type ? Or poems ? I bet you have a few of them !! That would keep your mind busy too . So proud you made 6 days , keep going and your tummy would love you . I'm thinking maybe some yogurt would be good for your tummy with the good cultures . I started with baby food , sounds silly but it's real easy to digest and it won't block your insides . Or soups .

Jenn said...

I love you Babes. Just wanted to check in. It's been a while but I still think of you every day.