Thursday, August 2, 2012

Day 6

Today is Day 6 and it's a long one.
I'm feeling tired, bloated, my stomach hurts and I'm nauseous.
My boyfriend is here which is great, I've eaten today and even had dessert.
Now I'm blogging to get distracted. I may need a shower. I don't want to purge, just want to make this full feeling go away.
I can't weigh myself or that would just make everything worse.
I'm really anxious now and I feel guilty for eating but I know this is better than the alternative.
After my Shower which helped nothing, I lay in bed with my boyfriend and he gives me a massage, it feels nice. He wishes he could do more for me.
His massage distracts me for the moment. Ed is quiet and thoughts of calories and numbers are gone.

Earlier today, well all of today my stomach gurgles in protest. I rub my boyfriends belly and hear his own stomach making noises, I like it. Makes me feel less self conscious and a bit normal like that noise happens to everyone and not just me because I can't properly digest food.
A noisy stomach is triggering to me, I hate it. My stomach sounds like there is a small monster gestating in there.

I want to say thank you to everyone who's been leaving comments on Blogger and every other little social site I'm on, I appreciate the support and encouragement.
Six days is not much but as I'm writing this it's now day 7 and that equals a week.
My first Mini Goal is done.
My next Goal will be to complete the Month, if I can manage to not bp for a complete month then I think I will be okay.
I don't know exactly where all of this is taking me, but it has to be a better place in my life than where I was before.


Moonlight Mistress said...

A month is totally doable!! I believe in you! :)


Jess said...

Yay !!!! So happy for you sweet . There will be days were you won't feel as strong . But don't let that discourage you . To beat this fucked up disease takes a while . If you purge just instantly put it in the past , learn from the trigger , relax , forgive your self and get straight back on the horse . It's our drug so just like druggos that are trying to get clean , there may be a moment of weakness and they cave . I'm not trying in anyway to put any negativity in at all babe. It's just the reality of it . I thought I would never bp again after I did it for a long time . I just had to dust myself off and stand back up . I am so proud , keep going . Did you get my text message ? Just email me if you need . That email I wrote to you stopped me from purging . It's a hard thing to do but we need to learn to love ourselves . Just like if we , were our daughters . It's hard to do . It's so easy to hate ourselves and stay in the cycle . But 7 days is a week . That's a whole week . Amazing . Keep going babe ... Be easy on yourself xxxx

The Lovely Bones said...

I'm not sure if I've ever commented before, but I've been following you for a while and reading most of your posts.
I just want to say I'm so proud of you. To last 6 days bp free is such a massive achievement, I really hope that someday I can come as far as you have.
So congratulations, I'm so proud of you.

Peridot (G+P) said...

I need to record Miles' stomach growlings for you, you'll feel less self-conscious in no time :p

It's not a monster gestating, it's your V8 engine growling away under the hood!

Congratulations to 6 days! What do you mean, not much? Not much my flabby white behind! Any day behaviour-free is amazing. Amazing just like you.

So there.

Hush up and take the blasted compliment.

Nyah :p