Hired

I've survived the storm.
Tropical Storm Isaac knocked my power out for a bit instead of all night. My daughter and I huddled by the window watching the wind gusts blow through trees, and rain drizzle on just about everything.
It was a nice break from what we'd been doing all week which is watch nothing but Hayao Miyazaki films. Ponyo and Princess Mononoke are her favorites.

 She thought the storm was exciting and couldn't wait to cut on candles and flashlights. My daughter left with her dad before anything good started to happen
I missed her immediately. I stayed behind with the two cats who were at my heels the whole night.

I had horrible stomach cramps last night which got my anxiety going, I hadn't eaten much during the day and felt weak. I decided to eat something finally helping settle me down.

Lots more rain and wind throughout the night and not much else.

Yesterday I grabbed a huge plastic bag and put away all those small jeans that only enticed me to lose weight.
I was sad to see them go. Having them around in full view is just a constant reminder of how much my body has changed.

Now that I've completed a month of no Bp, I think I should just take it day by day.
No more counting.

This morning is still rainy out but the weather is clearing up gradually.
My knee is feeling better.
I catch up on sleep for most of the day until the phone rings.
The caller Id says CVS.
I answer and at first there is no one on the other end of the line.
I sigh and figure it must the pharmacy's automated service reminding I have refills on my medication that need to be picked up so I wait for the inevitable digital recording to begin.
Instead there's a man on the other end of the line, it's the hiring manager of CVS.
My drug test came back Negative, my background check did too.
I'm hired, for real this time.
I go tomorrow at noon for Orientation, then tomorrow will be my first day of work, I'll be at the store until 5pm.
My baby's Godmother and the Driving force behind this crazy ride I am on is taking me there, as a matter of fact she's the one giving the class and training me.
Wednesday I head back to CVS again.

I'm nervous and excited all in one.
Be careful what you wish for, surprise, surprise you may just get it.


I'm feeling dizzy today and super triggered.
I decide to drink tons of liquids and eat something. I want to feel 100% for tomorrow.
After eating and drinking the guilt sets in.
This is the part I hate, the feeling after I eat.
I know that things are going to change, have to. I need to incorporate food into my daily life if I'm to function as a person for hours on end in public.
I'm just scared.
So many conflicting feelings are running through my head right now.
I wish I could just be happy, I wish my Ed would just go away.
I don't know how to have both a life and an Ed anymore, somethings got to give.

My dear friend went ip today. I won't be hearing from her for 90 days.
I miss her but wish her the very best.
She's smart, funny, well educated and now in the hospital for the 6th or so time. Her Ed has robbed her of life.
I don't want that for myself. I want my life back.
It won't be like I imagine at first, but I'll try to make the most of it.
This part scares me too.

So tomorrow is the big day.
Wish me luck.

Nite,
L.