Lab Rat

                                                                                            Mood:Hopeful

After dropping my daughter off at school, I decide to go straight to sleep. I plan to avoid b/p for as long as I can.
I have my workforce appointment at 10:30 so a quick nap should be fine.
I set the alarm and doze off.
At my workforce appointment now and I'm in the clear, I've got my paperwork that says I've completed my orientation. Now I have to just sit tight and wait for another appointment in the mail to meet up with a career advisor and discuss options. I hope this doesn't take too long, I want to start something already.
I've had a banana very early this morning with my supplements. In my purse is another banana waiting just in case I start to get hungry.
I'm ready to go back home so I call my husband to pick me up. I'm downstairs and sitting on the curb, I start to peel the second banana. I actually feel hungry, just like this morning too. I will eat when I feel like this, makes sense to, may prevent those binge feelings. Instead of denying myself everything I can have at least this. So far so good. Maybe I can still salvage the banana from a binge food and back to a safe food.
On the way home my phone starts to ring and it's my daughter's school. I immediately start thinking she's sick.
Boy was I wrong.
The principal begins to tell me that my daughter and another student were involved in an incident, both children threw rocks over the fence and they landed in the apartment complex next door. There was a tenant who happened to be pulling into the driveway and his car got hit, or rather the back windshield.
Of course it would shatter.
So now the principal started mentioning words like police report, damages and of course suspension, maybe indefinite.
Shit.
I let my husband know the gory details after I hung up with the principal.
We have a meeting at two after dismissal.
He's pissed and starts sucking his teeth and sighing worrying about how much the windshield will cost.
I'm worried about my daughter getting kicked out of this Charter School and that going on her record.
I've never wanted to b/p so bad.
Instead I get home and eat a yogurt, cheese and wheat crackers.
So now I'm up to 300 calories consumed so far. Not to mention all the water I've been drinking. I don't even want to weigh I can only imagine what colorful numbers the scale has for me.
I feel hyper because I'm not binging, my husband keeps making annoying aggravated noises and concocting all sorts of scenario's for why my daughter would do this, it is out of character for her.
I cringe internally, I can see a twinkle in my husband's eye that I don't like. I can tell he's biting his tongue right now. He wants to put this odd behavior all on me.
I would love to just binge right now, how good it would make me feel, but I can't. If I did it would just make his accusations more valid, he would say that my Ed is affecting her at school. I won't give him the satisfaction.
The strange hyper feeling continues and I can't take it anymore, I start to gear up for a workout instead. On the elliptical now and I burn 400 calories, I kill time, actually cut time pretty close. I had to shower very quickly, didn't even have time to weigh.
At the school now and the mood is somber. I'm nervous and praying that no panic attack happens. My husband is so triggering with his loud thinking and sighing. I keep my mouth shut at all costs, can't have an argument now.
Inside the principals office and the other child's mother is already inside and seated. The principal greets us and looks serious.
My daughter's teacher is there too and she looks like she's been crying?
She makes a face at me as if to say I don't understand what happened, I'm shocked like you are...
The principal starts to explain the story again and says the Gentleman's insurance won't cover the broken windshield, both parent's have to split the cost. As for the school, because the kid's are so young, an outdoor suspension of four days is recommended instead of permanently being kicked out of school. I thank the principal immediately. Thank God!
I was so worried.
The principal and teacher both smile at me and I don't understand. She proceeds to tell me that my daughter fessed up immediately to the broken window while the other child lied over and over again. The principal and teacher are both impressed by how mature and responsible my daughter is. I glance at my husband who looks like he's about to cry. He looks at me with adoration suddenly and I have to look away.
I tell the principal that this is how I raise my daughter, I tell her no matter what always tell the truth even if it's ugly, no one can help you otherwise.
the police officer who made the report and the poor man who's car was damaged enter the already crammed office and start talking. Everything is gone over again and we all exchange information.
The gentleman as he keeps being referred to will provide us with three quotes and the lowest will be picked and split between us.
My daughter is serious and very remorseful. The worst is over, nothing left to do but just go forward.
At home now and I go weigh, my weight is the same!
No gain, no loss either. I actually ate and worked out and no damage?
I've decided to experiment today.
I will eat some more and then workout. I have to convince myself that this is okay. I know I won't lose any weight but the point is to get away from Mia.
I've taken plenty of ginger and am drinking loads of water to help move things along.
There's a voice inside me screaming purge purge purge!
I won't listen, I feel so full and bloated right now, but this is the only way to stop Mia. I have to get back to that place, to restricting. Eat and burn it off. This is how you lose weight.
On the elliptical and the urge to stop and go purge almost gets me. I down more water and keep pushing ahead. The workout feels twice as hard because I don't have my Ipod, yesterday I had it in my purse along with a bottle of Powerade. I look in my purse to pull out my keys and the bottle is empty!
The whole thing spilled inside my purse soaking my Ipod. It won't cut on anymore. I guess it needs to dry out, I'm praying it does. I can't affort another one right now, even more so since this little rock incident will surely cost a few hundred. Instead of music, I have the T.v on and am catching up on the saved programs from the DVR.
This has to work right?
So now I'm blogging, then bed. I'm so scared right now that this will backfire.
Something's gotta give.
So no b/p today at least. Now its just a wait and see.