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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Repair

                                                                                     Mood:Hopeful
Yesterday I ate.
My weight fluctuated from 110-115lbs.
This morning after fiber finally kicked in and more exercise it's come back down to 113.
I worked out again and felt incredibly hungry, I had a shake. I felt full and satisfied, not even sleepy if you can believe it. I've worked out on the Elliptical and showered, weight now is at 112 and going down.
I'm a little bit bloated but have been drinking the Stomach Ease Tea and taking Ginger. It seems to be helping some.
My digestion is really, really bad. No wonder ABC or SGD don't work for me.
Sure I can eat different amount of calories everyday, but unless those calories are being properly absorbed I won't see any loss.
I'm trying to repair some of the damage I've put my body through. It will be a slow process and I may even have bad days ahead of me where Mia may resurface, but unless I do this I will never be able to go back to restricting, I may never have actual real weight loss.
The numbers on the scale scare me, but I know that it's not actual gain, it's retention and bloat. I've been drinking nothing but water and tea. I'm flushing out my insides. I'm trying, I'm actually really trying this time. I'm hopeful and incredibly positive. It amazes me that after each 100 calorie thing I eat, there is no gain, the number on the scale starts to go down. It's not a quick result but it is going down. My stomach bloats and slowly deflates again.
The fiber kicks in in increments. The b/p cycle have really done a number on my insides. My colon is trying to jumpstart. I'm my own biggest obstacle, I have to keep at this in order for it to work. No one can do this for me, there is no miracle pill or magic shake that can help me, it is sheer determination alone that can make this work. I don't feel triggered today, in the background of my life a broken windshield is in the works for repair later on this afternoon. My daughter's homework is done and later I'll head to get something for dinner.
Mia is the furthest thing from my mind right now.
I plan to keep working out throughout the day, I still have so much recorded on the DVR to keep me moving. I've missed so many things. I got to see the second episode of America's Next Top Model, I have to say I'm rooting for Monique,



I think she is beautiful, she looks like both Shalom and Olivia Munn.


Shalom Harlow



Olivia Munn



I'm trying to figure out what else I can take to help with the bloating and digestion. It feels weird eating and not purging. I've been eating fruits and yogurts, small caloric things that I think may be easy on my stomach. I wonder how long I will have to keep at this before some kind of normal returns, before my body will heal again?
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be celebrating it at home and alone. My husband works and there is no big fuss. I tend to get pretty depressed on my birthdays, wonder if there will be a repeat of that this year?
People tend to forget my birthday, I get a lot of belated wishes. I'm not expecting any gifts either except maybe a card from my daughter. I really just want to sleep in and maybe get drunk later. If there is a piece of cake or a slice of pizza somewhere in there then I may be happy. I hope I don't get so down that I just b/p all day.
I have to just take it day by day.
So the rest of the day will go along smoothly, workout and keep up with the repair. I think my period is trying to come on, a huge zit is trying to surface.
I have no idea what to make for dinner?
I hope everyone is doing good, thanks for the comments and sorry if I don't comment back on any questions asked, if I knew how to do one of those spring form things I would add to the blog.
Take care everyone, wish me luck.
I will get Mia off my back one way or another..

5 comments:

Moonlight Mistress said...

Happy birthday! I hope it's a good one for you!

~MLM

danae said...

happy birthday darling! you're doing so well, i hope everything works out.
good luck for tomorrow
x

Dylphe said...

i know how it is with birthdays i'm one of those forgotten ones too.
i hope you enjoy your day anyway!
flax seeds or the oil is great in aiding digestion. i'm taking some omega-3 flaxseed capsules everyday and it's slowly getting regular.
stay strong

AKA 'Krystal' said...

well i wanted this to show upon today's blog post but u havent done oone yet so i will put here:HAPPY BRITHDAY MY FRIEND! (((HUGS)))

mags said...

it sounds like you're doing great (: Congrats on handling mia so well. You're still inspiring (: