So today is a bust.
My daughter is really sick, she's throwing up and has diarrhea. I don't know if its a stomach virus or not, I'm just hoping we don't end up in the E.R tonight.
I've b/p countless times, I can't even tell you the number cause I just don't know?
Today has been overwhelming.
I've been cleaning up someone Else's vomit for a change. I'm tired, cold and sleepy. I just want to lay down in the warm bed and sleep. I can't of course, my daughter will be up the whole night like this. She can't seem to keep anything down. I'm sure my house and I reek of vomit, but the sad thing is I'm so accustomed to it, I can't smell a thing.
Maybe I'll pick up where I left off, I'm not sure. Right now I just want to get through this long night ahead, a sick six year old and a lot of lax..
I don't understand why I gained so much doing this, maybe my period is coming on, maybe I really am dehydrated. It could be anything, either way I think I need to lose all this first before I go any further.
I'm not saying no to restricting, I'll do this again, maybe in a different fashion, something that isn't too constricting and precise. I think I need to work my way there instead of jumping in full on. I'm still bound to Mia firmly, thinking I could just stop cold turkey was foolish. There has to be another way, something I can do, maybe its just a mindset after all. Maybe deep down I have to really want to stop. Going to need to think about this and find a willpower that I've never had before.
I feel like such a failure, I get so triggered and end up punishing myself instead of just feeling and working out the problem. I want to change this way of thinking
I'm so tired.
I need a break, someone else please feel free to take the wheel, I can't drive this freight anymore. Eyelids are getting heavy and the black paved asphalt is too dark for me.