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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Festival

                                                                                               Mood:Empty
So tonight was the Hispanic Heritage Festival at my daughter's school.
I am dressed, very nice I might say. I actually feel pretty tonight. I am wearing a dress and that almost never happens.
The camera is charged and our little family is off to the school.
We circle around numerous times until we finally manage to find a parking spot.
My daughter is very happy and she is jumping up and down in excitement at seeing her teachers and friends on school property at night. It brings me back to my own childhood and having similar experiences with things like open house and book fairs, how at night the school seems completely different. I'm happy for her, she waves at her classmates who are equally as delighted to see her.
I'm standing in a very long line at the front of the school waiting for the gates to open. There are numerous children dressed in their heritage's colors and costumes. Some kids are so decked out in costumes at times I had to do a double take. There are more parents arriving with trays of food to donate to the festival. I donated earlier in the day, plates, napkins, cups and plastic silverware. My obligation for that night fulfilled.
Now the line is being tightened in thanks to the City of Miami police officers who are monitoring the event. My daughter squeezes as close as she can in the line between my husband and I. As were waiting we take pictures to share online with the rest of the family.
The tea I took earlier has my stomach in knots. I'm not panicking as earlier. Before I even have a chance to further explore that thought we're allowed inside finally.

The festival is very nice. There are booths from various countries set on opposite ends of each other. Each booth has a sample of their food along with colorful displays and information about each country.
My husband's eyes dance with delight, he hasn't eaten all day. He was saving his appetite for this. Now I haven't eaten anything all day either, and to be honest I didn't even want to. I did anyway.
Big Mistake.
We traveled to Puerto Rico, Spain, Venezuela, Cuba, Nicaragua, Peru and who can forget Columbia. We walked around shuffling plates of food and sampling it all.
My daughter walking around with a arepa in her hand enjoying the sights.

Now that I'm becoming aware of all the food I'm eating I start to panic internally. I just reached my goal for September at 140 today and here I was self sabotaging..What the hell was I doing?
So many calories being consumed in a matter of minutes. I start to wander off with the excuse that I was going to take pictures of the festival, I did at first. In reality I was looking for the bathroom. I found it, except that it was a unisex bathroom and only one person at a time could use it. I had a woman behind me, I should have told her to go first, (my initial instinct, always go with your gut!) but I didn't. Instead I went first. The purge was bad, rushed and nervous. Half out if even that much, it would not come up. I suspect it was because I hardly had any liquid in between bites, big mistake on my part. Now here I was being rushed to finish, I can't work under these conditions.
My eyes were blood shot red, something that has been happening lately, clearly noticeable if you already know what to look for.
I was upset and irritable. My husband and daughter were still walking around sampling all the food and taking in the Mariachi Band that started to play up front on a stage.
Well the good news was that we were done with the festival, my husband ate his fill even managing to bring home a few plates for tomorrow. I wanted to go home now. I need to purge the rest of this out. The school is close to where I live so I was still safe in the twenty minute open window before digestion officially begins. Before we went home my husband had to stop by Publix for some alka seltzer, I told him to buy me a lax, he sucked his teeth and agreed. I know he doesn't like that I take so many, but what other alternative is there, if he doesn't get it I will.
Finally we are home. I go to the bathroom to purge it out. At some point in what seemed like the longest and most difficult purge I've had to date, my husband bangs on the door. I panic and wrap it up.
He had to pee. When he leaves, I officially finish and immediately go to weigh. It's all out-140.
Out the corner of my eye I notice he is now looking at me, I'm on the laptop  in bed loading the pics on Facebook for my family to see.
He nods his head and gives me one of those gestures that says-I'm watching you.
I don't care right now, I had to get it all out. The dieter's tea is now in full effect, I might just save the new lax for tomorrow night and just let the tea do its magic instead, give my body a rest, its been through a lot.
So yes, I gave into Mia again, unknowingly this time. I plan to have a beer later and a cigarette, I will feel awful tomorrow because of all the abuse I put myself through today. I just hope I can handle all that will come my way.
Goodnight to you all..

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