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Monday, September 20, 2010

Gave In

                                                                                               Mood:Calm
So I caved.
I gave up and gave in to the urge to b/p.
Twice.
Ah, I ruined the fast..I thought I could manage but I was wrong.
I started cooking and cleaning up, it was a wasted binge. I regret it.
I worked out afterwards, didn't have much energy only burned 500 cals this time. I showered and just took a lax. Hoping the pound I lost and all my hard work wouldn't be a wasted effort. I have four progesterone left, once those little white pills are done I'm back on the OEP. Those pills help with the cravings at least, I might be able to stand a chance and fend Mia off.
On the bright side the men finished the work order on my apartment. My floors are done, everything is repaired. One less trigger.
Tomorrow is the clinic, a follow up for my daughter who had her tonsils removed last month. It should be quick, I hope.
I really wanted to be strong today but I've failed. I can't believe it. I was doing so well, I am so disappointed in myself.
The rest of the night will fly by, I've already done the deed. If I were still on the fast then this would be a different scenario, the night would've dragged endlessly on. I hope tomorrow will be better than this..
Not feeling cold anymore either, ah Mia and her mind games. No headache or chest pains, no panic.
I'm tired, I think I will wrap this up and go have a cigarette and a bit of fresh air outside, clear my mind and get back into the mindset of a winner, someone who has true willpower and can succeed in their goals.

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