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Saturday, September 18, 2010

Mia's Doing

                                                                                       Mood:Exhausted
The day begins with a headache at 8am.
Its Saturday and I'd normally be asleep till ten. Not today.
Today is another hectic day full of workers coming and going out of my apartment. They are ripping out my floor and replacing it all with new tile.

       
 My husband and I spent half the night moving the beds and clutter into the vacant apartment. There were neighbors who complained about the noise. Tired as my husband was from a very long day at work and arriving just after midnight, he found the energy to put the neighbors in their place. The remainder of the night we drank and talked about this and that.
He's starting to ask more questions about my Ed. According to him, he's concerned about me, that's good to know.
I can only give him short brief answers. I can't go into details yet. He can't know all the sordid awful specifics yet.
The hallways are littered with sawdust and obstructed with our belongings, what a mess. The vacant apartment is now home to my big bed and my daughter's t.v, the room is cold and its bare white walls are inviting, a fresh start it says. This could all be yours..
Sleep was acquired thanks to a drunken haze.
In the morning the handymen were groggy and cranky, another long, tedious day of labor to look forward to. Strong Cuban coffee was passed around to give everyone a jolt, myself included.
My scale and supplements were buried under a mountain of clutter in the hall.
Seek and you shall find-bingo!
I was right back at 144 today, Mia's doing. The Progesterone is working, the bleeding is going away. Soon I'll be able to take the OEP again.
I'm hoping half of the job is done today, maybe I can manage a jog later. Sit ups and leg lifts were all I could do yesterday amidst the packing.
My husband has left and returned with breakfast. Here we go again. I can't even tell you the amount of calories I just consumed because my Internet is down. I'm sure its in the thousands. The workers are moving fast, the floor is coming along. My husband is tired and decides to get a nap in before going to work later. I go purge.
Easy.
It all comes back up so fast. The acid burns my top lip, there's a blister now, I will be pressing my tongue on that all day I suspect. The headache gets intense then subsides. The deed is done..and later one more time.
Why is it always easy to do? Why does the opportunity present itself?
Its like a Mia Jedi mind trick. She says the right words and everything changes course. So this is how I've started the morning. I hate that I have no Internet. My thoughts are of a friend right now, I'm wondering how she's holding up in her own battle against Mia this morning? Yesterday she did great, I'm proud of her for not caving in.
We have to rejoice in the days we don't give in even though they are few and far in between. Despite it all I feel calm today. I suspect its because the fight has been put on hold. The cigarettes are helpful again, I smell like an ashtray. Its a small price to pay for a suppressant.
Everything seems to be finally falling into place for me again. All around the big pieces are clicking. I'm getting all the things I've wanted. People on the other hand don't work out like that. Sometimes you want the unobtainable. Its not for you to have. God takes people out of our lives who are negative and hold
us back, he makes room for the new ones to arrive. I've hardened over the years with each wound and trauma. I'm wondering who will finally come along to soften me finally and tell me its gonna be OK, that I will be OK and truly mean it. I hope I can believe it.
 As the day drags along, and countless DVDs have been watched, the workers are wrapping up. My poor cats are running around the strange empty apartment looking for their escape. They miss home, I don't blame them.
B/p twice today..I couldn't even work out. 
Now I have to move everything back into the original apartment, the men will be back on Monday to finish. I'm tired. I feel spent.
I'm taking a lax tonight, maybe I could finally move out of 144 that's been hanging around too much lately. I've been invited to join a fast. I think I will try. I'm hoping Mia will get off my back finally.
Well I'm off to shower, I need to finish unpacking. Then a quick ciggy and maybe jump to the forum and see how the rest of the girls are holding up on this strange Saturday.
Good luck to us all tomorrow. Another new day to try all over again.

1 comments:

AKA 'Krystal' said...

hey lul - i didnt do so well yesterday either... i b/p 3x but its ok... i made 2 days of fasting and i am starting anew today! so far so good... its nearly noon and im feeling pretty strong... going to teh gymn this afternoon to let the boys goof off and i plan an easy workout since im fasting... just the bike and read my for an hour... maybe 500cals or so... stll not bad if only 300! i dont wanna overdo it with the bad hip and low cals!
STAY STRONG DEAR! i know u have it in u and i KNOW YOU can do this!