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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Foggy Feelings

                                                                                     Mood:Depressed


This is Miami today.
70 degrees and foggy.
I love it, feels like my mood. I'm in a bad place today, feel really low and depressed. I dropped my daughter off at school and didn't even bother with my crush, why should I. That guy is out of my league. I'm not attractive enough for someone like him. I feel fat and ugly today. Its not even 10am yet and I'm already binging. I don't care today.
Later on if my husband decides to give me some privacy and I have a moment alone, I'll take some pics.
I don't have much to say today. I don't have a life. I guess my friend was right, all I do all day is just hurl. Everyone is right, I look awful.
 So what if I do. Its my face, you're not the one who has to walk around looking like this, I do. I don't judge anyone, I don't critisize either. I can't understand why I don't get that same courtesy in return?
That won't change me though, I'm not going to become bitter and mean, turn into someone like that. I'll continue being me and trying to stay positive. I'll just keep doing what I want, what feels good to me. Whatever that may be.

Since this is a very crap post, I decided maybe it can be an impromptu Q&A.
If there's anything anyone wants to ask me, you can post questions in the comment box and I'll answer them.

6 comments:

small said...

Hi Sweetie,

I've been reading for a while now. I hate to see you in such sadness. Keep clinging to the idea that you deserve happiness and it *will* come. You are bright and funny and you have so much to offer. And screw whatever your friend said -- I've seen your pictures and you are beautiful, inside and out. I hope there are at least some moments when you can see that.

My question:

1. How tall are you?

small said...

Never mind on my question...I found your height on the sidebar. (We are the same height, btw)

Jenn said...

I don't have a question. But I wanted to tell you:

JUST now I was making pancakes for my kids. I never eat the pancakes but I thought, maybe today I can hog out on pancakes and purge. I know that turns on the b/p cycle early for the day, but I thought, I never do that it's ok once in a while. my goal was to go from 144 to 140 by friday and this morning I'm ALREADY down to 141.2. I thought about you and how you usually only b/p in the evening. I thought about how HUNGRY I am in the morning but I always manage to wait till the evening to start b/p-ing. And it's only because i know I can do it later.

DO try to stay positive, you've been through a lot lately and one naughty day isn't the worst.

Thinkin about cha
xo

AKA 'Krystal' said...

HUN IMHERE FOR U AND DONT LET THAT ASSHOLE MAKE U FEEL IKE THIS! U SO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND LIKE ME - WE STRUGGLE BUT WE CAN AKE IT TILL TOMORROW - IF NOT FOR OURSELF TODAY THEN FOR OUR CHILDREN! PLEASE BE AS KIND TO URSELF AS POSSIBLE AND KNOW I AM HERE...

mags said...

Lou--How long have you struggled with your body image? Like when did it all begin?
Do you think you'll always struggle with an ED? Or do you think that once you reach your goal weight that you'll simply maintain that weight and move on?
What kind of music do you listen to?
How many different kinds of pills do you take? What are they?
What is your favorite food to b/p on? (mine was icecream, lol)

118 or bust! said...

Lou, you are a great woman, don't let some rude idiots get you down. I wish I believed those people who say that being nice will get you everywhere in life... that is obviously not true. No matter how nice we are there is always someone to talk shit.

Anyway, what ethnicity are you?