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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Groceries, Pot Pies and Pills oh my!

                                                                                           Mood:Awake
After yesterday binge, 1x only by the way; I made the mistake of taking a diet pill. I completely forgot the side effects. Every review says don't take before bed, why?
I never went to bed.
I've slept maybe 1hr tops, and not a consecutive one, rather small increments from the whole of the night. I still feel the effects of this rather strong pill. I have a huge headache and feel cold and hot all at the same time.
I feel as though I should be doing something now, like baking an 8 tier wedding cake, sewing a flag or entering a marathon.
I just took supps, water pills and another diet pill.
My weight is 112.6 now, I drank a whole Power Ade and bottle of water before bed. Its slowly going down, emphasis on slowly!
Today..
Today is grocery day, the scariest day in the whole month.
It could go two ways, buy what I need and get the heck outta Dodge or buy what I need plus binge foods.
I have a busy day, Income tax locations are to be scouted today, do we do Jackson and Hewitt or H&R Block?
Groceries of course-grrr.
Vitamin Shoppe for possible Chia Seeds purchase. Maybe if I do Chia Seeds, I can lay off the laxatives.
Thrift Stores too today. I'm hoping to find an Urn for my uncle's ashes. His body gets cremated today and then he will be mailed to me. I'm sure a thrift store find is possible, the ones I shop at always have goodies. I have a great eye for finds. I also want to see if I can find another copy of The Scarlet Letter, my copy of that book got lost a few years back, I really miss that crazy Hester Prynne.
There's the rest of the To Do List also.
Last night I did my tarot.



Good News.
I asked about more specifics concerning this man that's supposed to enter my life. Turns out he will be a coworker, guess that means I'll have an actual job in the future. This man will be fun loving, and have marriage thoughts about me, I guess maybe he falls for me?
The other things that came were fairly good, I will be moving soon.
Happiness for someone close to me. A man who can't be trusted and is unreliable-I know who that is. I know he's unreliable, warning heeded!
There's some sad news, no misery or loss though which is great, when that comes out means death, I've had enough death last year, my sister in law who died in August and now my Uncle in December.
I guess maybe the sad news will be far away, maybe someone Else's family or a distant family member who I haven't seen in years, something that won't be painful for me.
I never ask about things like am I going to reach my goal or will I die, I don't want to know those things. I have enough to worry about.


Okay so now it's 4pm.
I've done groceries right after dropping my daughter off to school.
My husband stayed in bed and all that other stuff never got done. I'm mad of course. Boy did I go to town. I spent more than I should on things that I shouldn't have.
I'm making Chicken Pot Pie for dinner.
As soon as I got home everything went to shit. My mood and the idea of no binging today went out the window. So a small binge after I bitched my husband out.
"I thought we were gonna work things out?" he asked with that hurt face that is so insincere.
No. I never said we are working things out, I want to separate. I don't want to fix anything with you. I need time away from you, I need to figure out some things.
"I don't get why you're so mad?" he continues talking.
Can you really blame me for my behavior lately, you're an adulterer, and now every time I look at you, I see the affair.
He nods his head and quietly agrees that I am justified in being a total bitch.
He says he's mad, at himself.
Well next time keep it in your pants, I hope she was worth it. You should have stayed with her, that's two hearts you've broken, two woman's lives you've disrupted..
I start eyeing what I will binge on and get the components for dinner ready also. At 2pm he goes and gets my daughter from school, I tell him come back later, much later. He hesitantly agrees and leaves.
Every time he leaves my side its like some one has opened the window, and the stale air in the apartment from four years past has been let out. Its so refreshing. I wish I felt at peace like this always. The quiet is here and one thought at a time. I feel calm.
So I have a small binge for today, now my weight says 111.8?
I have no idea if that will last or not, it's probably a fluke or maybe I imagined it. I've taken another diet pill and I'll do some push ups later. Dinner is in the oven, I don't think I'll be having any tonight. Tomorrow I don't want to mess around. I want to go check out some banks and see what their rates are, how free is it when the banks say "free checking." I want to open an account and start stashing what ever I can. I don't have a job, but whatever money I come across I'll store it away. I need to get things in order for the separation.
In the meantime, whatever I can get from him, I'll take.
I'm not the using kind, but a new year, a new way of thinking.
So I was thinking of buying this cream-African Shea butter.
See if it works, I need something for this skin of mines. I'll check out this beauty supply store in my old neighborhood tomorrow, after the bank inquiry. I'm sure it doesn't cost that much.
Now if only I could find Tummy Tuck in a jar!
Losing so much weight in a short amount of time has left me loose. I've toned up what I could, wish I could find some other method to tighten this skin. Any plastic surgeons want to do Pro Bono work, I'm a great candidate.
No..anybody? (crickets chirping)
Fine.
Well I'm off to shower, I binged on Tuna earlier (protein deficient I imagine) and now I smell like The Little Mermaid.
Hope your Tuesday was better than mines.


2 comments:

Dylphe said...

i have 3 copies of the scarlet letter one i bought myself and 2 that i kinda never returned to my english teacher. i'd totally give you one of them.
it's a good idea to start saving money since that's the main reason why people stay together (ok maybe not but that's the only reason my parents didn't divorce when asswipe cheated on her and why they are still married)
stay strong

danae said...

the little mermaid comment made me chuckle. it's a good idea opening up a bank account, good luck with your savings. when people divorce in australia everything gets slip down the middle, does it work the same in america?
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