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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Mood Swings

                                                                                            Mood:Numb


                         


I'm tired of the Mood Swings, they trigger me.
There is not much to say today, I'm up and down all day long. Now I'm alone and calm. 106 is slowly going down, my period is finally gone. Miralax taken, dinner's in the oven. My daughter is at the park with her dad. 
Do you ever get that feeling after you eat, that voice that messes with you and says leave it. I hate that voice because sometimes I want to listen..
Only b/p 1x today, the thing that started it all was stupid. It wasn't even about the pound that I gained, I just got so sad all of a sudden and wanted to just cry, just sob uncontrollably. I didn't at first because I tried to talk myself out of it, question the why?
Finally after being dropped off home from an errand by my husband who kept stealing glances at my somber face, I went upsatirs and let it out. I think I scared the cat who kept trying to console me with furry face rubdowns.
I'm exhausted, I think I'll drink again tonight. Last night's sleep was wonderful, I just slipped into oblivion. I want that numbness, that part of your brain that shuts off and you feel nothing but swaying from the alcohol. You feel liberated.
I want to feel nothing please. I'm tired of feeling everything at once.

5 comments:

*Broken* said...

I know what you mean, feeling everything at once....it´s unbereable.
I´m sorry you´re feeling like this but I think it´s really brave talking pictures of you crying.
xx

Emily, said...

Aw love i'm sorry. I hate having binge urges, mine are usually pound related. :\

Mich said...

Even though you're crying and obviously upset, you look beautiful in those photos. Reminds me of a movie star from the 20's--so classy and elegant, even with the tears.
I hope you get a good night's sleep. Sometimes we need those nights of nothingness. <3

xoxo

Eager Enid said...

you're so pretty! very powerful photography. i hope tomorrow is better for you.

small said...

Crying can be a very healthy release. Sometimes there's nothing like a good cry. I hope it helped a little.

I love the tiny stair steps under the sink for your little one :)