Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Its On!

 Today I am at 130lbs!
Haven't been this weight since before my baby was born.
I am very motivated today, been productive all day.
I woke up this morning and took supps and OEP. Dressed my daughter all in pink since its Breast Cancer Awareness at her school all this week. Her school is raising money and will hold a fundraiser later in the month at a local park. Thursday is pink hair day..that should be interesting?

Examine Yourself this Month!

 On the drive to school I'm pretty chipper about my weight and the fact that I don't feel hungry or dizzy. My daughter is in the back seat as happy as can be she doesn't have to wear a uniform today, then there's husband who decided to go with me this morning because of the new printer I had to buy on account of the broken one that's been accumilating dust on the desk for months.
My daughter has an assignment due and I need to print out several things online. Husband has a sourpuss on today.
Great, its so predictable, the minute I feel good, he feels bad. Never fails!
So my daughter is dropped off and he's back in the car..
Its so nice outside today, the weather outside is real breezy and the clouds are gloomy, little showers pass by and wet the windshield. Its my kind of weather. I can't enjoy for long. I ask him what's wrong?
"What you're not mad anymore?" he keeps avoiding eye contact.
He's referring to my many mood swings, I'm up then I'm down. I happen to think maybe hints of bipolar? I need to be properly diagnosed.
So he makes me feel bad, and its never a good thing to be arguing before 9am and especially end in tears. I was explaining to him that I can't help my mood swings, there is something wrong with me, I don't want to behave this way, I want to be normal like everyone else. I start to cry because I myself can imagine what a pain I must be. In that moment I feel defeated and want to give up more, although depriving myself of food is enough punishment. How much lower can I go? I explain again for the hundreth time and he nods and just wants me to stop crying and feel better. I hate to cry in front of him, but I just couldn't hold it anymore, it really hurts my feelings to be thought of as mean, I'm not. I don't behave this way on purpose. So after things cool down, I'm suppose to fake the smile again. We run our errands and I'm not feeling too dizzy. Hubby decides to have breakfast, he offers me some and I resisted. Ususally self sabotage would've occured by now, not today.  I arrive at Whole Foods and finally found the Grade B Maple Syrup that is required for the Master Cleanse! Eighteen dollars yikes!
Well I got the sea salt too for the flush and more dieter's tea.
I'm home finally after spending half the day in the street driving around. Hubby goes and picks up my daughter from school while I set up the printer and fry Chicken for dinner.
Everything is done and now I prepare to make the Master Cleanse.
This time the cleanse taste different, the proper ingredients make a difference. I taste the syrup and the lemon, the pepper is a spicy after taste that I don't mind. Ok, so I decided to chug this half gallon concoction!
Not the best idea but I foolishly wanted to workout before it got to late. So I've drank all this juice and I am soooo full!
Tomorrow I wil do this differently. Today was kind of rushed and I really just wanted to avoid Mia altogether. I still have to do the saltwater flush later, not looking forward to that at all.

Bonehead move number two-decided to workout right after cleanse.
Note to self don't do that ever again mental girl!
I am full of liquid, on a treadmill and coming down from OEP..Managed to burn 800 cals, nice right? NO!
I am floating, my body is shaking and I feel not dizzy but lightheaded.
I am in the shower and I feel full, like binge full. I'm trying my hardest not to purge all this out! Just have to breathe in and out and try to settle down, I feel like the panic attack wants to come and crash this little party. I still need to drink 32 more ounces of fluid, aka the nasty pure salt water flush. I can't drink it now. I need to wait a bit. I haven't even finished going over my daughter's project. I am utterly alone, hubby is in a food coma from too much fried chicken.
He wouldn't even catch me on time if I passed out right now, he would find me hours later I suspect. Useless.
I'm not getting on that scale, I know its all water bloat but still don't need to see that number yet. Tomorrow I'll post how the salt water flush went, right now I need to lie down and pee some of this out asap!
Feel like a water balloon, I think I have the equivalent of a small water fish tank in my stomach. Ugh hate this full feeling, been running on empty so long.
Grr now the dizzy feeling is back!
Let me go make that darn flush, if I survive the night I'll post results of flush lol!