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Monday, October 18, 2010

Finally!

                                                                                         Mood:Happy
Okay back on track I hope.
Weight 124!
No more plateau (crosses fingers)..
Earlier today I was incredibly dizzy. Every time I stood up, this massive vertigo would hit me and I swear I was about to go down, all I kept thinking was okay this is it. I'd steady myself and it would pass. Then later on in the day fatigue like I've never felt before, so bad I went to go pass out in the bed where I unknowingly fell asleep for an hour.
I was awakened by my husband who was leaving to get my daughter from school, I nod my woozy head and look at the clock.
He looks at me as I drag this exhausted body out of bed. He sits on the sofa and pulls me along with him. I'm still trying to get my bearings straight.
Now comes the probing, he touches my chest, feeling the hardness where once was fat. I see worry for the first time in his face. I am still.
He squeezes my thin arms and feels my shoulder blades. He eyes me up and down. He pulls me in for a hug and squeezes my body tight, finally he feels my small waist and pinches it.
"You need to stop losing weight, you're getting too skinny now. Stay at this weight, no more loss okay? Please, you need to eat something." he pleads with me.
I shake my head sideways.
No. I don't want to eat. I can't.
He tries to give me advice on healthy weight loss and exercise. I refuse to hear it. I'm fine, don't worry about me.
He shakes his head is disbelief, he knows better than to start with me, this is one argument he won't win.
I remind him about the meeting with the teacher, it has to be set up this week, we both should be there. He's distracted and asks to remind him why such a meeting needs to take place. I tell him about red.
Ah, typical response-"Well maybe she sees one of us acting out and she is mimicking the behavior."
One of us "acting out?" I assume that would be me. If I wasn't so tired still, I would say he was triggering. The craving I had earlier had passed. I no longer felt like Mia was with me today.
I reprimand him instead, its not acting out, its just she wasn't following directions concerning the schoolwork, its not like she's Johnny Rotten or some shit. Geesh.
He leaves.
The teacher left home early so tomorrow I guess I'll try to catch up with her and set up the parent conference. In any case my lil miss got green today and green is good.
I feel dizzy and nauseous, seven days of not eating are taking its toll on me. I''m fed up that I'm still stuck at 125, my body is in starvation mode. The only way to get out of it is to change up the workout routine and to actually eat. I would normally allow myself between 100-200 cals max if that, somedays its considerably less. Well to get the metabo boost, I would have to consume about 300 for maybe two days. I don't really want to do that, The thought of eating and keeping that food inside me, I can't do it. I have to do something though, maybe a slow introduction, maybe I can work my way up slowly to 300 calories. I decided to have chicken broth courtesy of the boullion cube (10 cals), I also loaded that little bowl with cayanne pepper to help further boost the metabolism..


It wasn't the most tastiest thing to eat, but its what I had. Now this little cube is obviously loaded with sodium, and salt is not my friend. I was reluctant at first, but went ahead with it, my fear was the water retention.
I wasn't going to jog on the treadmill, but then I changed my mind and got on it anyways. I decided to just walk instead of jog, I'm suppose to change it up in order to get out of this starvation mode.
So after about two hours of working out I go shower and then weigh.
Holy crow, 124.
Okay, I'll play along? I don't understand how it happened, but I'm not complaining. I hope I can keep it up now and just drop the other lbs quickly.
I want to lax tonight, but I really shouldn't. I think I won't I already told my good friend I wasn't going to. She sees me getting addicted and she herself once had an awful bout with lax addiction. So I'm going to not push myself harder. I'll see what happens tomorrow if anything.
Tonight I will just rest and enjoy the sudden drop.

Pic Update me now @ 124lbs!

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