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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Nice

                                                                                       Mood:Relaxed
Today is finally over.
I was able to continue my water fast, I made day 2.
 I had a much needed outing and had a blast. This is what I was missing.
I felt strong the moment I got up this morning, I didn't weigh but I could tell by my flatter tummy that this is working. If I keep going the results will be well worth it.
I did lite exercise and filled my water bottles to take with me on the long drive to my sister in law's house. The music helped tons and so did the weather. It was sunny and breezy. I'm always cold so I dressed accordingly, long sleeves and skinny jeans. I felt better when I reached the half way point of no return to her house. This meant I had to keep going, keep driving no matter what. Once I arrived everything, all the anxiety, the nervousness, it all just melted away. I was sorely missed and all were happy to see me after these long couple of months. I got a lot of comments and compliments today. I was asked the dreaded question "How did you you lose all that weight?"
This question always makes me feel like a phony. I don't like to lie, but I'm not trying to promote anything, I would never wish this lifestyle I live on anyone that I love. Its lonely and hard and only I can endure it. I'm sure someone Else's caliber might not. I don't want to be a bad influence or a curiosity either.
Well I wasn't going to make the day awkward for anyone, especially me, I don't want looks thrown at me of any kind. I stretched the truth a little. I just said that I eat very little and workout like a fiend!
Its true, except the eating part, I mean I'll eat, I just never said anything about digesting..
Enough said and it seemed to suffice.
The day progressed and the plastic water bottle kept me occupied never leaving my grip. I had a small dizzy spell but I drank more water to balance me out, it seemed to do the trick.
My daughter had a lot of fun running around screaming at the top of her lungs with her little cousins while I played catch up on the last couple of months. Lunch was pizza, the hyper children went at it. Even if I wanted to eat anything, the kids made sure there were no leftovers. I was too distracted and didn't have time to crave. I liked what I saw this morning in the mirror, I want more of it. I want to always like what I see. This means I have to be strong and stick with this. I'll get there maybe, to that point where I feel okay with myself. I hope to get there, to like me again. You notice I keep saying "Like."
Its because loving myself is a wholly other matter entirely, I'm not there yet, there's a lot of therapy to be had first before I can even utter those words about myself. I just want to feel comfortable finally. One day at a time, one small victory as well in that order.
Updated pictures of the kids and parents are taken and exchanged. The day is nicely documented and time is frozen and preserved.



 Finally its time for me to go. Its bittersweet but not the end. I've promised to return again next week. I think this is a good step for me. I would like to reclaim my independence again and mend those broken relationships caused by the Ed. I've pushed a lot of people away and cut off most entirely.
The long drive back home feels great, the way driving should feel. There is no worry or hassles. Just the music, my daughter singing and the day darkening around us.
I arrive home tired and feel sticky. My daughter gets a bath and into her pajamas, she's allowed one more hour of TV before bed. I decide while I have a bit of energy suddenly to jump on the treadmill for a brisk walk. I know if I keep at this, the energy will dissipate some and the workouts will be few and far between. I should do what I can, while I can..
Afterwards I'm sore and now really tired. My daughter is in bed and I'm off to soak in the tub and heal these aches. Fighting Mia and cutting her off at the past feel like a full time job. Its a battle I hope to win one day. I want her to never touch my life my again.
I need rest and so does this body.


I feel satisfied. I think day 3 will also be good. No list today as a matter of fact, but tomorrow there will be.
I'm looking forward to having this sudden control of mines tested, I think I'll pass.
Thank you Lordy for a great day. I wouldn't mind more of them just like this.
Night to you all lovelies and thanks for reading!
Stay Thin..

7 comments:

118 or bust! said...

Glad to hear about your good day and kicking Mia to the curb.

You are very beautiful by the way!

Cora said...

Your picture is so gorgeous=] Sorry I haven't commented recently. I'm glad you're doing well, and I know from personal experience how hard it is to stay away from me, but I'm sure you'll be able to overcome it.

~Cora

lou said...

@Cora & 118 or Bust--
Thank you for the compliments!

*Broken* said...

I´m so glad you had a good day, you deserve it!
You are beautiful =)

lou said...

@broken thank u hun.
I hope your day is good too

Anonymous said...

you are beautiful and you have great legs!

EmptyShell said...

I love all the little pictures you put in your blog. I think you look very pretty in these pictures :)