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Saturday, November 13, 2010

Day 1 Done.

                                                                                     Mood:Relieved
Looks like the To Do list works!
I've managed to keep busy all day long, no b/p, no Mia in sight.
I am so happy you can't even begin to imagine. The list also helped me get a lot of things done that I've been putting off.
Managed to get a great workout in too. I'm a little bit fatigued and tired but its a welcomed feeling. Just thinking about b/p makes me cringe. God, trying to bring back up any huge binge and then being locked in the bathroom purging and purging, and still you purge some more. No thank you. I want off of that ride. I don't wanna play with Mia anymore..
I can't believe how much time I've wasted with her. The time she's taken from me. I'm done.
No, I want Ana back. I want my willpower back. I want the dedication and power it takes to be able to say No completely to food. I'll get there, if I can just get over the three day hurdle then I'm home free. I'll be able to keep going.
Tomorrow I'm going to visit my sister in law. I haven't seen her in a long time, or anyone else for that matter. There are some people who haven't seen me in awhile who don't believe that its even me. Everyone has such different colorful reactions. My sister in law lives far from me and I'll have to spend a long time driving but at least I'll be out of the house and away from any thoughts of Ed. That should keep me occupied for half of the day. I'm a little bit nervous driving for such a long distance, but tonight I'm listening to Pandora Internet Radio and then downloading some songs. The plan is to have enough mellow music in the car to distract me so the drive is feasible. We'll figure out what to do when I get there. Eating will definitely not be on the itinerary. I should be home not too late as there is school again on Monday, then its off to bed early. Day two should be better (crosses fingers).
I may have to make a list everyday, I don't care; if that's what it takes to get this dam Mia off my back than so be it. There are worse things out there than carrying a piece of paper that tells you what to do. I have Bulimic voice telling me what to do all the time, the paper by comparison is a Godsend!
I'm excited and hopeful that I can pull this off. I have it in me, I've just been so triggered lately, but I think it will start settling down soon. The worst is over. Now there's only time to kill before the new things that await me come to pass.
My daughter has been a gem today, she helped me clean the house as best she could, she wiped down tables and even cleaned her room all by herself. I'm putting a little money aside for her, there's a school carnival and a street book fair coming up soon around my neck of the woods and I'm sure she'd love to go. I'll even bring it up to my niece so we can make a day out of it for the kids.
I'm freezing tonight, I can't wait to lay under the warm covers and sleep the rest of this day away. I'm glad today is over.
I'm not expecting to lose anything today, I haven't even weighed, I'm sure its up anyways with all the water. I'll try to weigh on the 3rd day, I want to stick to this and if I'm triggered then it will be a bust. So I'll hold off and just take it one day at a time. I'm doing this to be done with Mia, the loss will just be a bonus. I just want that urge out of my life. No good comes from it.
Well I'm off to bed, I want to keep this positivity I currently have going, I want to sleep the rest of the night. No insomnia tonight I hope.
C'mon Ana, stay with me for good this time..

3 comments:

danae said...

i was under the impression that the more you drink the less you weight. because water helps get rid of water retention. when you're deydrated i figured that your body would be more likely to hold onto as much as it could.

la mì said...

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Bella said...

<3 Do keep smiling.