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Monday, November 1, 2010

Countdown

                                                                                           Mood:Nervous
Last night after blogging I surprised myself by not binging.
I put the food away and even the wine. Had a final smoke outside before bidding my final farewell to October.
This morning the added weight had gone and 119.4lbs was all that remained.
No hangover and no dizziness. I seemed to be pardoned of yesterdays transgressions, relief washed through me. I was safe.
Now we're in November, one month left for this strange year to end.
This rainy morning has started off with my first b/p of the day already and more to come later on I suspect.


My chest hurts, its bad.
Supps gobbled up already but no relief in sight. I've even slathered Icy Hot all over my chest in hopes the pain would let up.
I'm thinking about the 29lbs left that I want so desperately to shed, can I do it and at what cost?
Two health related scares already and a third to follow soon enough at the pace I'm going. I stop at nothing when something is set in my eyes.
My heart aches. I think its the loneliness, its culpable.
I crave and detest it at the same time. There is no happy medium here.
I walked to the bakery with my daughter for breakfast, there was no school today and fresh hot bread was a must in the house.
She and I had to sit and wait out the rain inside the small establishment. Coffee and pastries ensued..


Afterwards when the rain let up we were able to go back home and the b/p continued for me all day.
My husband slept through it all and finally when he went to work I was able to workout and continue the insatiable appetite of Mia.
I have a lax waiting for me. I'm tired and sleepy. My back hurts from being bent over the bowl all day and now so do my teeth. The chest pain comes and goes.
I've lost count of the b/p already. I think maybe 5 or 6x? I can't remember, it all feels like one long run on sentence to me.
I'm worried now that November will fly by and I'll be stuck still at this weight. I need to be rid of this by the end of the year. I can't start another year trapped like this. I feel like a caged bird.


I hope tomorrow to have some control over this. I'd love a break for once.
I need a vacation.