Saturday, November 20, 2010


I'm exhausted, I've been running around all day and whatever bit of energy I had left, I just threw into a workout.
I've been up since 5am. Kept having strange dreams last night, not nightmares. They were odd dreams of me kissing someone. Two different people actually. One in particular I really didn't expect to want to kiss..I had to force myself out of bed finally and went ahead and did 500 crunches to really wake up. Tired of the fanatasies.
I then took supps and an OEP, the diet pill made me feel jittery for some reason, I regret taking it immediately. Showered and got dressed, tried on a few outfits first till I found the right one. I want to look nice today. I applied concealer to those nasty marks and scars on my knuckles, no tell tale signs today, don't need to arouse suspicion. Sometimes I get the occasional comment from office staff on how great I look, I've lost a ton of weight since they first met me. I tell them the usual story on how I lost it all- exercise and I've cut back considerably on what I do eat, they all nod their heads in agreement, but sometimes I'll get a little stare from one or two of them and it gets my paranoia going. Those women look at me like I've either had gastric bypass or I'm on some kind of fad miracle diet and I don't wanna share the secret.
 So now I looked presentable and feel happy. I could pass for normal.
"You look really pretty today." My husband looks me over from head to toe.
I wonder what he's really thinking. I don't get dressed up like this for him obviously. I got a new hairdo today too. I have to get used to it. This always happens, the second guessing myself.

I drive to the bakery to pick up the cake, I'm running a little behind but finally make it to the school.
There was someone other than my daughter who was very pleased to see me. My very handsome admirer's face lights up in surprise at the sight of me, I can't help but smile a little at his reaction. His demeanor changes suddenly when the ol' ball and chain follows behind me tugging party supplies. I bet he thinks dam, why didn't she come alone.
My husband is very happy today and can't wait to sing Happy Birthday. Today is strictly for my daughter, no funny business at school. I don't want gossip.
I head straight to kindergarten.
I set up the little table in my daughter's classroom while the class is at lunch. I'm happy at the thought of surprising her. She completely forgot that I was doing this today.

When my daughter comes back to class she has a huge smile on her face as do the rest of her classmates. They all ooh and ah. The kids in her class are adorable. They are very polite and well behaved. My daughter helps me pass out party hats and napkins. Everyone gathers round and we all sing Happy Birthday to my baby who turns 6.
The party is a success and everyone enjoys themselves, myself included.
Cake has been served to all and there are plenty of leftovers, I decided to fix  plates for the staff in the front office.
You know who gets a plate too, he is very grateful and wishes I could sit in the lobby with him while he eats. I can't of course, I'm not alone today and I'm trying to be respectful. He says he understands completely, and tells me that I look very pretty today, I blush and head back to the classroom to help the teacher clean up.
On Wednesday there is a Thanksgiving feast at my daughter's school. I volunteer to make the turkey and even help out that day if they need me. The teacher is overjoyed at an additional helper and I think its a good idea. I think it will help me overcome my anxiety some.
The rest of the day is spent shopping and drinking coffee. I didn't have time to get everything done, so tomorrow more shopping it is.

When I get home finally from shopping and picking my daughter up from school, the craving begins. I have money burning a hole in my pocket and that means Mia wants to visit. I almost give into it. I start to really think about the b/p and how awful it would be. I also start thinking about how much money I'd be wasting, I really can't afford to throw what I currently have away.
Instead of caving, I go ahead and clean up the house. Then I decide to decorate the pink Christmas tree with my daughter.
The little pink tree is up and the cats are having a ball knocking down all of the decorations. My daughter starts to get mad and locks the cats in the bathroom in protest. Its hilarious to see her get so frustrated.

I really want to workout. I didn't yesterday at all, Mia took up so much of my time, the next thing I knew it was night and nothing had got done.
 I make a mistake and take water pills and green tea pills before I workout. Now I  have a horrible stinging in my chest that will not go away. I hate it.
Hours later and I still feel it..
I don't know what it could be, my only guess is dehydration again.
I hope it goes away, I've started to drink Powerade Zero to see if it helps. I'm sleepy but I'm scared to close my eyes and not wake up!
I'm sure I'm overreacting as usual but I'm neurotic as hell and so it comes with the territory.
So far I've managed to avoid Mia today, let's see how tomorrow will come along.
Can I keep going for good this time, or at least until Thanksgiving..
We'll see.
Happy Friday everyone.


Avani said...

congrats on avoiding Mia! That's a fantastic step. I know I would have caved at the birthday party.

Cora said...

I love your hair=] And that cake is freaking adorable. Good job avoiding mia.

Anonymous said...

your hair is so cute like that! i'm jealous =(
Hope things work out with that guy frm skool, i say go 4 it!!
luv your blog by the way!

Ruby LoveBird said...

i love your hair, it's so cute
i'm jealous